Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-08-04

  • Offered my 5yo nephew $1 to find my iPhone charger and he said he "has a LOT of money in the bank. I got quarters.. and diamonds.." #
  • .@Mtv's Sucker Free Countdown is comprised of nothing BUT suckas. Why can't a brotha get a Mtv Classic channel with Yo! Mtv Raps!? #
  • ..and me, story too // MT @erinmcgown: Hey Nashville, order go to Friends & Friends at @TheHighWatt tomorrow to see @natebargatze … #NintendoWives #
  • telling jokes in Nashville at 8pm w/ @NateBargatze and the @CorporateJugger guys at @TheHighWatt. $6 in adv at @Grimeys or $10 at the door. #
  • the answer is within the question. || RT @hollyamber: How could I be sad listening to Wham? #
  • ok if @SnoopDogg is changing his name to @Snoop_Lion then I'm changing MY name to Snoop Dogg. #
  • No disrespect, @Snoop_Lion, I don't want to live in a world where there is no Snoop D O double G.. so if it's up to me to fill those shoes.. #
  • I can't wait to hear ROARs from his boyz up in Da Lion'z Den | @punchlinecomedy L to the I to the O and N, Snoop is back to do it all again. #
  • Wednesday night I'll be at @ZaniesNashville with @MariaBamfoo and @JoeZimmerman – 7:30pm. Buy tickets now or regret it: #
  • It is my most treasured bar of soap by a landslide. RT @mariabamfoo chad, you still hold the only wooden bar my dad has ever sold. #
  • Endorsement: Dr. Bamford’s No-Soap™ @mariabamfoo #
  • If your idea of "taking a STAND" involves either going to or avoiding a particular fast food restaurant, you are a moron. #
  • tonight, @mariabamfoo proved once again that she is The Best. Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to do the things I get to do. #
  • Somebody told me last night that I should be tweeting about the olympics, so here we go: I hate sports. #
  • OlympicsTweeteroo: I hate anybody who says they "give 110%" because they're clearly dummies who don't understand how percentages work. #
  • OlympicsTweeteroo: If you do a thing over and over all the time for years, you get good at it. I've practiced being unimpressed by sports. #
  • 10) you're still married but you follow @HuffPostDivorce on twitter || RT @HuffPostDivorce: 10 signs your marriage is in trouble #
  • Chick-Fil-A Tweeteroo: if the 2nd ammendment were somehow involved, I think this would be the perfect election year issue. #
  • I dropped @CalliaRiden off at school this morning. She's YOUR problem now, Society! I wipe my hands clean of the whole ordeal. #
  • So if I go to Chick-fil-A do I have to buy food before I sit and watch lesbians make out, or can I brown bag it? #
  • The only time any sports appeal to me is when I get to see close-ups of the losers crying. Someone edit me an Olympic super-cut of sadness. #
  • Dating profiles that say, "I'm an open book! Just ask!" read: "My personality is too boring for words!" and "Even *I* don't know who I am!" #
  • if your favorite comedian is Bill Hicks, watch how comedy has evolved in the many years he has been dead: @DougStanhope is on Showtime in 15 #
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