- New Years Resolution: work much harder at growing my beard to be the awesomest MFing beard you’ve ever seen in your whole damn life #
- Callia talking smack to the Pokemon Battle Revolution Wii game: “Is that a lamb? You better call Little Bo Peep.” #
- #CHADRIDEN1K started on Oct. 8 with 388 followers. I’m now at 420. OMG, we’re not going to reach 1,000 by New Years Eve, are we?!? O-M-G #
- finally uploaded a video to Funny or Die: “Jackass picks up roadkill deer off the interstate” http://tinyurl.com/FOD-roadkill #
- RT @ScottAukerman:Any time I see an attractive woman on TV or in the movies, I think, “Oh, she’s pretty-what job is she pretending to have?” #
- RT @GregFitzShow: I have a really good podcast, but too few followers. Please send a message to friends so I can break 6k by 2010. Thanks! #
- Happy New Year to everybody who is still my friend after putting up with all of the crap I said and did (or didn’t say and do) in 2009. #
- Crappy New Year to: overbearing neighborhood associations. You’re all creepy as shit. I hope your houses burn then flood. #
- Crappy New Year to: any cop that hands out tickets for a living. I hope your family is victimized while you’re clocking speeders. #
- Crappy New Year to: partisan zealots. Our 2-party system is the problem. Disband all political parties and force people to think. #
- Crappy New Year to: insurance companies. Suck it. What a scam you’re running.. I hope our entire fake economy crashes. #
- Crappy New Year to: the ass-clowns ruining WRVU-FM. Vanderbilt has some really cool people.. but there are also Total Dicks. #
- Crappy New Year to: people offended by the word “retarded” – mentally handicapped people aren’t.. and YOU are silly. #
- Happy New Year to everybody who is still my friend after putting up with all of the crap I said in the last thirty seconds. #
- Crappy New Year to: career politicians. You should all make minimum wage, live in public housing & rely upon welfare. #
- Crappy New Year to: Wall Street. Anything that can fluctuate in “value” by major percentages a minute HAS to be worthless. #
- Crappy New Year to: anything “too big to fail” – those are exactly the things that should fail. You’re all wrong and retarded. #
- Crappy New Year to: anyone who gave up on the dream. The difference between success and failure is your choices. #
- My 6-year-old daughter just asked me to play Spin The Bottle with her. I have failed as a parent. #
- OH. Her version of Spin The Bottle is you do an impression of whoever the bottle points to. Her impression of me is funny, not flattering. #
- When Callia says “I’m starving to DEATH!” she means, “I could eat about four chicken nuggets.” #
- Crappy New Year to: jackasses who drive past my house doing twice the speed limit, revving their minivan engines to their pathetic limits. #
- Crappy New Year to: dipshits dropping bass beats (as if it’s still 1992) while creeping past my house at 2 mph at 3 a.m. — die in a fire. #
- “Jackass picks up roadkill deer off the interstate” – just wrote up ‘the rest of the story’ on http://ping.fm/sfVuD #
- Probably more lifelike than he is in person. // RT @michaelianblack The CGI Carson Daly looks amazing!!! in reply to michaelianblack #
- Finally defeated New SMB Wii. I think this means I’ll be a drunken nerd “achiever” who over-eats but doesn’t sleep in 2010. Awesome? #
- @ sams, boozin it up with my lovely wifera. Come on out errbody, drinks are on you! #
Tag Archives: vanderbilt
Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-12-12
- Washing and drying a few loads of snuggies, slankets and bariatric slipper socks. #
- RT @toddbarry: My favorite part of getting the Sunday NY times: throwing out the Sports section. #
- “Osama Bin Laden has never touched a dime of his Al Qaeda money, living entirely off of his stand-up income.” Late Show fun fact 10/9/2009 #
- RT @Anundson: Chad Riden and Jesse Perry live in studio on Tues Dec 8th 8-9am WRVU 91.1. The final Get Up Stand Up! streaming @ wrvu.org #
- #CHADRIDEN1K started on Oct. 8 with 388 followers. I’m now at 414. I’m starting to think we’re not on track to hit 1,000 by NYE, everybody. #
- Remember my pledge to donate ONE THOUSAND pennies to charity if I get 1,000 followers by the end of 2009!? C’mon, Twitter.. where’s your <3? #
- IT’S FOR CHARITY, people. Surely we can find 586 twitter users who like random, passive-agressive jackassery? Tell a friend: #CHADRIDEN1K #
- Uh, oh. I’m getting all retrospective-y on 2009.. I only kinda remember what I did this year, so I’ll mark it down as a success. #
- In 2010, I’ll continue my quest for more & better quality of everything, but will settle for whatever and be satisfied with none of it. #
- Callia and I tastefully decorated the house last night. My lovely wifera just said, “it looks like Christmas threw up in here.” #
- Woke up thinking WWJD?, so we’re sitting around the fireplace drinking whiskey & singing ironically anti-semitic lyrics to Christmas tunes. #
- Endorsement – Dr. Bamford’s NO SOAP™ http://ping.fm/ESu0h #
- RT @Anundson was just informed I am not welcome back on WRVU, seven hours after I announced I wouldn’t be back. another bridge burned #wrvu #
- Jim Hayes, Assistant Director of Student Media/Broadcasting at Vanderbilt University, is a giant dildo. (it’s not libel if it’s true!) #wrvu #
- Once again, telling Callia that old story about the time I got into a gunfight with Santa Claus. (Don’t hate on me, he started it.) #
- actually it was TG2:EB2: Electric Boogaloo’er! // RT @themightychuck @GeoffBreedwell Chad just celebrated Thanksgiving 2 Electric Boogaloo #
- Dear Internet, could I please have more shitty Tiger Woods jokes? I can’t get enough of ‘em! I just know they’ll stand the test of time.. #
- ha! David Letterman’s first message on twitter: RT @Late_Show Do you smell veal and peppers? // yes, Dave. Yes, I do. #
- judging from the evidence I’ve gathered in and around my bathroom, last night I brushed my teeth with A+D diaper rash cream. #
- the anchor on CNN just said, “electriZZZity.” could someone around Atlanta please punch her in the face for me? ty #
- Callia brought home her first Kwanzaa related school work today. mat? fruit? candles? ears of corn? unity cup? gifts? we’re converting. #
- Project: Scientology Sucks (a video prank contest) – cash prizes! I want to do this: http://ping.fm/qHrJz #
- I just try to steal their hearts. // RT @Grimeys: it makes me cry when you steal from us @Grimeys… just so you know (via @NashvilleCream) #
- I feel sorry for the people who hate the USA but love Lee Greenwood. #
Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-11-14
- HEY @KeithAlberstadt I’m watching Florida play football.. turns out Vanderbilt has sports teams?! Thought you’d like to know. #
- Back in Atlanta. What’s fun to do at 2am here? Hook it up somebody. #
- so far I’m hearing ‘hookers’ and ‘blow’ both of which requires money in amounts that I do not have, but are otherwise fine suggestions. #
- @ChadRiden no money if you do it right. (via @JaneHaze) #
- @JaneHaze I’ve read all the Iceberg Slim books, but my pimp game is terribly insufficient for such an endeavor. in reply to JaneHaze #
- Dragged to super douche nightclub.. It smells like Red Bull and sweat. Also many girls with great personalities! Ugh. (via @azizansari) #
- “My stand-up career started sluggish—then tapered off.” Zane Sickle, Comic/Adventurer For Hire (via @veinarmor) #
- Make a marketing post; it trips some keyword auto-follow thing the marketers use. Try it—don’t follow back! (via @veinarmor) #
- Tonight’s my last night in Atlanta for a while: 8pm @ the Punchline w/ Larry Miller & Patti Vasquez http://tinyurl.com/yetmoce #
- Listening to Marc Maron rant about his “validate me!” ‘status updates’ on WTF ep.3 #
- …and relating completely. Listen to his podcast, it’s fantastic. #
- Mississippi has declared a State of Emergency. It’s not the tropical storm coming.. they just realized that they live in Mississippi. #
- I’m at Zanies in Chicago tonight. I lived in DuPage county as a kid.. It feels like going back to a home i’ve never been to. #
- I had fun in Atlanta this weekend, but not the “bust in your house with Katt Williams and rob you” kinda fun: http://tinyurl.com/y8a8tbh #
- crashed at the Chicago NashvilleStandUp.com Outpost near Wrigley Field w/ Damian Anaya, @AlexKendig & @BenBergman. On to Wausau, WI tonight. #
- I don’t want to jinx it, but so far all signs point to this being a horrific disaster of a night. I smell “nightmare one nighter.” #
- Warning sign #1: instead of hotel info, bookers instructions say to call the club mgr’s cell when i get close. #
- Bad sign #2: managers phone rings and rings and goes to voicemail. #
- Oh shit #3: at the venue, nobody to be found, but chippendales promo posters outnumber comedy night stuff 30:1 #
- #4: bartender says, “oh there probably won’t be anyone here tonight. we just changed the night we do comedy. Last week we had seven people.” #
- #5: 20 minutes pass.. manager does not call back. bartender calls him, he picks right up. He’ll be there in 10 min. #
- #6: the key to the hotel room is an actual key. Make that motel.. And not a nice one. #
- #7: I didn’t even need the key. My motel room door is slightly ajar and extremely murdery! Room is gross, old, dirty, and smelly. #
- #8 the mattresses are covered in plastic. They are the ONLY things in the room that are not filthy. #
- BTW, while I appreciate everyones comments and whatnot, I (for one) do NOT “like” my status. It is unfavorable. #
- #9: comics pay full price for drinks #
- #10: showtime was 10 minutes ago, the mic isn’t even set up yet. #
- #11: no mic stand! no stool. #
- #12: “club” lighting – purple gels on spotlights, spinny Saturday night fever lights #
- 13: 7 people in the crowd. I ask, “how did you promote the show?” and the staff looked confused at the question. #
- Comics Should ALWAYS Eat And Drink For Free Update: comics drink for free only while on stage here? I need a funnel. #
- #14: one of the bartenders was in the back of the room talking LOUDLY to two dudes she is involved with and got thrown out. #
- #15: bartender chick is back. Minus one dude, plus crying and attitude. #
- #16: here’s what I was waiting for: manager says I don’t get paid here, the booker will mail a check. Perfect. #
- It was nothing short of magic. // RT @Anundson: @ChadRiden sounds like a great night #
- A couple that runs the motel were at the show: “anything we can get you?” me:”2 hookers and a case of champagne.” “we can’t do that, but..” #
- Completely undeterred, tonight I’ll be dropping in for a quick set at the Comedy Club on State Street in Madison,WI 53703 @ 8:30 #
- @ a coffee place in Madison, WI called “In The Company Of Thieves” – I knew I’d like this place just from the name. I feel right at home. #
- @nambucom in the iphone app, when composing for ping.fm please add a character count like when composing for twitter. thanks #
- #CHADRIDEN1K started on Oct. 8 with 388 followers. I’m now at 408. The response has been overwhelming, everybody. What a roller coaster! #
- Woah! Define “hipster beard”-mines a “loser beard”// RT @ChristFinnegan It’s official-hipster beards r the Members Only jackets of this era. #
- “the comedy club on state st.” in Madison isn’t the most creative name for a comedy club, but it’s a nice joint full of funny local comics. #
- No! Do it!//RT @DrFunkhole: had been toying with the idea of trying my hand at stand up. EVIL SPIRITS COME OUT! Hallelujah! You’ve cured me. #
- I’m gonna be extra funny and stuff tonight thru Saturday at Jokerz in Milwaukee, WI. Come laugh at my gut! #
- Isnt this a Simpsons episode? // Radioactive water creeps deep under vast Nevada Test Site http://bit.ly/494vv1 via @LATimesNation #
- On the road again…I just can’t wait to get on the road again…Willie’s right, its an addiction (via @billmaher) #
- Every time I see someone in a turtleneck I think “you should get that circumcised.” #
- I’ve been giving myself the slow, sarcastic clap all day. Everybody, stand-by for Gonorrhea jokes.. #
- Do I hear the theme from “Superfly”? In Milwaukee tonight, doing two shows with Sinbad. http://tinyurl.com/sinbadWI #
Chad Riden in Classic “Mean Joe Green” Coke ad
I play the kid in the now classic “Mean Joe Green” Coca-Cola ad way back in the day. By the way, I fully realize how dumb this is.. but the idea just cracked me up.
Back when I still had a day job doing nerd work at Vanderbilt, I thought this up one morning on my drive in to work. When I got to my computer, I slapped it together and had it uploaded to YouTube by 8:57 AM. So, I hope you enjoy this stupid thing that took me about an hour to do while on the clock at work. Of course, this story is a perfect example of why I am completely unemployable.
Save The Slant!
A little background..
On Tuesday, March 10th, “The Satirical Newspaper Of Vanderbilt University,” The Slant, published and distributed an issue of their paper made to look like the general student newspaper, The Vanderbilt Hustler. The headline: "GEE DEAD." The cover story proclaimed that the “Death of beloved Chancellor rocks VU.”
The paper was obviously a joke.. but it fooled a lot of people. The Hustler normally publishes on Tuesdays and Fridays.. but didn’t plan an issue for that day since the previous week was Spring Break. The Slant printed up their copies of “The Vanderbilt Huslter” and dropped them on the Hustler’s racks. Wackiness ensued.
Some tight asses on campus whined that it was “sick” and not funny at all. I thought it was fantastic.
Chancellor Gee sent out an email to the Vanderbilt community:
Dear Colleagues,
Imagine my surprise when
I picked up what was purported to be the Hustler, our excellent
student newspaper, and saw the headline “Gee Dead.” After checking
my pulse, and making sure that I did, indeed, fog up the mirror,
I am relieved to tell you that the headline, the newspaper, and
in fact, the entire issue, was untrue and not produced by the
real journalists at the Hustler. As in false. As in, “Gee Lives.”
To paraphrase the great Mark Twain, reports of my demise are greatly
exaggerated.But, if you are the skeptical, conspiracy-minded type, I suggest
you check out: http://www.vanderbilt.edu/chancellor/With all best wishes for many more years at Vanderbilt,
Gordon Gee
The image of the photo of the Chancellor holding the “GEE DEAD” newspaper as if it said “Dewey Defeats Truman” just wasn’t enough irony for me, so I went over to the Chancellor’s office during my lunch break.. and I killed him! (Ha ha! See, that’s a joke too. Not a very good one, but what did you expect? I’m not witty enough to smash watermellons.)
Today, a message on The Slant’s website says, “The Vanderbilt Student Communications Board is considering on Friday afternoon an application by an editor of the Hustler for the position of Editor in Chief of The Slant…. With full knowledge of how deeply sorry we are for the harm we caused, and the recognition that we have learned from this mistake, I am asking each of you to email the Board members and let them know that the student body of this University and the world abroad accepts our apology, wants The Slant to keep going as it was before this happened, and s the current leadership.”
This is a tragedy. Regular issues of The Hustler are humorless (and therefore worthless). While The Slant isn’t the most honorable, prestigious publication ever.. it IS funny.. and they have plugged www.ChadMRiden.com for free.. so I like them.
I sent The Vanderbilt Student Communications Board the following message:
Dear Vanderbilt Student Communications Board:
I’m writing to ask that you decide to keep Brad Ploeger as Editor in Chief of The Slant, and the current staff in place just as it has been. They’re just some kids trying to have some fun.. and they publish a great paper. They have apologized saying they are “deeply sorry.. for the harm we caused” and that they “have learned from this mistake.”
I realize that a lot of people are upset about the fake Hustler
edition.. but try to put emotion aside for a moment and think
about what really happened here: it was a joke. The bottom line
is that this was a masterfully planned, well executed, already
classic college prank. Was it in poor taste? Sure. Was it a risky
move? Yes. Should they be punished for this? I don’t know.. but
should they lose their paper? No.
That paper was glorious. It made me wish I had the imagination
and resources to do such a thing when I was in school. It made
me wish I was a part of their team.. It made me wish I had bought
ad space.Chancellor Gee himself had a good sense of humor about it. The
picture of him holding the paper that he put on his web page was
not done in anger. Look at the man, he’s grinning like he can’t
control his excitement. His page generally gets about 50 or 60
hits a day, but that day there were 38,385 accesses to the Chancellor
home page. Even the Drudge Report linked to it.. why? Because
it is a great story.It should have been obvious to everyone that it was a farce.
They spelled it “Huslter” in big bold type right there on the
front page and everywhere else it appeared. The by-line said it
was “the student crossword of Vanderbilt University..” Anybody
with the perception of a blind fish should have noticed that right
off the bat. The people mad about this are mad because they were
gullible enough to fall for it.Vanderbilt’s image was probably improved by this event. The widespread
perception of stodgy snootiness was shaken up a bit. You may not
be able to keep the students from showing up at your football
games late, wearing shirts and ties like dorks.. you may never
live down the ties with the “Confederacy” or Commodore’s railroad
baron ways.. but at least don’t tell the world that the freedoms
of speech and of the press don’t exist at your institution.–
Thanks for putting up with my crap,Chad M. Riden,
Lame, Nashville-based jackass comedian and regular Vanderbilt
Slant readerhttp://www.ChadMRiden.com/
http://www.MangyDog.com/
http://www.NashvilleStandup.com/
If you’d like to send a message of for The Slant, here.
I figure us smart asses have to stick together.. otherwise the
serious, responsible citizens will prevail.
