- The rain in Milwaukee smells like a wet hamster. A drunk, wet hamster. #
- Dan Whitehurst and I just swerved to miss a black bear in the road! about 30 minutes south of Harris, MI. #
- RT @KatrinaLColeman:”Surely you stopped and gave @bradbradbrad a ride.” // nope! He was 780 miles out of our way. Sorry Capital B. in reply to KatrinaLColeman #
- RT @KatrinaLColeman:”Surely you stopped and gave @bradbradbrad a ride.” // OH! You were referring to how Brad is a fat, hairy gay man. #
- I think this AM radio host just round-about accused @BarackObama of being on “Colored People Time.” #
- Time to chime in, Everybody. #
- Every soldier on that Bin Laden mission is an instant hero. Book deals, movies, free BJs for life – for every one of em. #
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Lee Greenwood’s rotary landline phone is ringing off the hook. #
- Water cooler office funny guys around the world are cracking their knuckles. My mom is FWD’ing Jesus-themed chainletters as fast as she can. #
- Thousands of @cafePress shop owners are furiously Photoshopping infinite variations of the same three Osama Bin Laden jokes. #
- At every truck stop I’ve been in today, I’ve been dying to scream out, “Osama Yo Momma!” just so I could count the high fives. #
- mentally making lemonade #
- I’m doing a short guest set on this: //RT @BillyWayneDavis Tonight @gobananascomedy in Cincinnati Kooks w @rysing @tomsimmonscomedy and me in reply to BillyWayneDavis #
- RT @superpixels “You fuckers bragging about inbox zero?..” // I’m more productive than all of you with my inbox 16,825. http://t.co/7Un8Xd0 in reply to superpixels #
- Please don’t compliment me when I’m drunk – I’ll give you my “how dare you like me!” speech. #
- I really wish Sober Chad had no knowledge of Drunk Chad and vice versa. Each me only uses that info to hurt the other. #
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Travel tip: in a pinch, toenail clippers are a handy & terrible way to trim your mustache. #
Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-05-07
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