Tag Archives: hamster

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-05-07

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  • The rain in Milwaukee smells like a wet hamster. A drunk, wet hamster. #
  • Dan Whitehurst and I just swerved to miss a black bear in the road! about 30 minutes south of Harris, MI. #
  • RT @KatrinaLColeman:”Surely you stopped and gave @bradbradbrad a ride.” // nope! He was 780 miles out of our way. Sorry Capital B. in reply to KatrinaLColeman #
  • RT @KatrinaLColeman:”Surely you stopped and gave @bradbradbrad a ride.” // OH! You were referring to how Brad is a fat, hairy gay man. #
  • I think this AM radio host just round-about accused @BarackObama of being on “Colored People Time.” #
  • Time to chime in, Everybody. #
  • Every soldier on that Bin Laden mission is an instant hero. Book deals, movies, free BJs for life – for every one of em. #

  • Lee Greenwood’s rotary landline phone is ringing off the hook. #

  • Water cooler office funny guys around the world are cracking their knuckles. My mom is FWD’ing Jesus-themed chainletters as fast as she can. #
  • Thousands of @cafePress shop owners are furiously Photoshopping infinite variations of the same three Osama Bin Laden jokes. #
  • At every truck stop I’ve been in today, I’ve been dying to scream out, “Osama Yo Momma!” just so I could count the high fives. #
  • mentally making lemonade #
  • I’m doing a short guest set on this: //RT @BillyWayneDavis Tonight @gobananascomedy in Cincinnati Kooks w @rysing @tomsimmonscomedy and me in reply to BillyWayneDavis #
  • RT @superpixels “You fuckers bragging about inbox zero?..” // I’m more productive than all of you with my inbox 16,825. http://t.co/7Un8Xd0 in reply to superpixels #
  • Please don’t compliment me when I’m drunk – I’ll give you my “how dare you like me!” speech. #
  • I really wish Sober Chad had no knowledge of Drunk Chad and vice versa. Each me only uses that info to hurt the other. #

  • Travel tip: in a pinch, toenail clippers are a handy & terrible way to trim your mustache. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-07-17

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  • Callia and I are the only gringos at my Mexican neighbors’ birthday bbq and it’s pretty awesome. More Petrone? Si, por favor! #
  • RT @NateWaltBills: @comedynews love the site/twitter/i dunno what it is but its awesome // love you back. (“it” is @ChadRiden+php+free time) #
  • Consumer Fraud Alert! Wendy’s “boneless chicken wings” are nothing more than nuggets in wing sauce. #
  • federal appeals court tells the FCC to fuck off: http://ping.fm/sOkOi #
  • I’ll be at Spanky’s tonight, Brick House Bar wed, @zaniesnashville thurs, Buford, GA @varietytheater fri-sat: http://tinyurl.com/ChadRiden #
  • RT @DalaiLama: Despite philosophical differences, all major world religions have the same potential to create good human beings. // none? #
  • BP is doing “integrity tests” on the well?! How about integrity tests for BP? AmIrightpeople? #
  • Started my morning routine about 12 hours late. Better late than never? or screw it & try again tomorrow? #
  • just in case you missed Dave Letterman in a human sized hamster ball last night on @Late_Show: http://links.comedynews.org/zqha #
  • Ate a dick at Zanies tonight. Not on stage, off the menu.. I had deep fried dick-n-balls and fries. Spicy! Still, I prefer the French dip. #
  • RT @tndotcom It’s Friday and you want a great beer; which bar in town do you visit to get a tasty brew? // 3 crow, gold rush, flying saucer #
  • Come tonight and you’ll want to return tomorrow. (@ Buford Variety Theater) http://4sq.com/beCc2V #
  • I’ve seen a million faces! and I’ve kinda disappointed them all. Cause I’m not a cowboy.. In a ghetto sled I ride.. #