Tag Archives: gallagher

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-01-29

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  • When I walked in to Mexico Joe’s in Stillwater, Oklahoma, a waiter said, “AWESOME beard, bro!” Beard confidence levels are high. So is he. #

  • In the shower I used extra shampoo and conditioner on my beard to reward it for a job well done. #
  • Website idea: Facebook rip off where you connect your profile only to people you’ve had sex with. I’m unsurprised that FuckBook.com is taken #
  • I really want to do a themed comedy tour but “The Troubled Loners Of Comedy” has been hard to get off the ground for many reasons. #
  • Tonight my set will be an hour-long comedy tribute to my beard: 8:30 at the Quality Inn ballroom in Stillwater, OK :: http://on.fb.me/fZOASM #
  • It is both a blessing and a curse that the very stupidest people I meet are the ones who don’t understand me, hate me and are offended. #
  • Bring me a figgy pudding! Bring me a figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer. I won’t go until I get some, so bring some out here. #
  • Just once, I want to hear a President say, “the state of the Union is TERRIBLE.” #
  • Still trying to get to the bottom of this whole MTV “Skins” controversy. What band made that video? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that song. #
  • If Jay Leno is the ‘Hasty Pudding Man of Year,’ I want to award Harvard the ‘Figgy Pudding Go Fuck Yourself, He’s Terrible And So Are You.’ #
  • RT “@Tennessean: Parents, what are you going to do if your county closes schools?”// roll my eyes and mutter all day about candy-ass pansies #

  • Rebranding myself “The Golden Voiced Dipshit”- BONUS: I can ramp up my boozin’ and losin’ if that’ll make it more interesting for the press. #

  • RT @BillyWayneDavis: “Did baby Jesus need a diaper?” // yes, AFTER Mary coined the phrase, “holy shit!” in reply to BillyWayneDavis #
  • RT “@latimes: Sarah Palin harshly criticizes Obama’s #sotu // STOP TREATING THIS NONSENSE LIKE IT’S NEWS! Ignore her and she will go away. #
  • @marcmaron Gallagher once went into @zaniesNashville and walked thru the crowd, passing out candy from the greenroom while heckling h’liner. #
  • I just want to take this opportunity to tell everybody that you can suck it. #
  • “@lesleyrebecca:Saw you were a few blocks away. Nearly came out just to say hi.”//please do. I’m generally bored and desperate for attention #
  • #FF @LandonOutLoud – he’s new to twitter, but is an old friend & a veteran road comic. Ladies & gentlemen, the very funny.. Landon Lyon! #