Tag Archives: fat

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-03-12

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  • @mattwardcomedy when you get hungry, go to Scratch: best pizza on earth. You’ll love it. 100 East Unaka Ave. http://www.scratchbrickoven.com in reply to mattwardcomedy #
  • TONIGHT! one show only at the @Stardome in Birmingham with @MattDavis – showtime 7:30. tickets @ 205-444-0008 #
  • Signs the set didn’t go well: waitress says, “well *I* thought you were great!” #
  • Coyote. #
  • RT @nsup: The next @nsup Showcase at @ZaniesNashville (w/ @IronComic) is Tuesday March 8th! Tickets are $5: http://bit.ly/NSupZaniesTix #
  • Your @nsup Showcase @IronComic topic for tonight is: World of Warcraft. Tweet your jokes at @IronComic to qualify. Go! #
  • For Lent, I’m giving up on life. #
  • For Lent, I’m giving up on my faith. #
  • For Lent, I’m giving it up for the troops. #
  • For Lent, I’m giving it up for the waitstaff. #
  • For Lent, I’m giving it up for the other comics you’ve seen. #
  • as a kid, I always wished Spiderman would stop having amazing adventures and take a few minutes to belt out a Bono song. Dreams do come true #
  • @nsup just got word that the @Belcourt *might* be screening the @billhicks_movie in May. Very excited. http://www.americanthemovie.com/ #
  • The CNN reporter live in Tokyo keeps showing us the video tapes knocked onto the floor in their office. Big deal,tell an intern to clean up. #
  • Looking forward to seeing everybody again this year at the Chad By Chad West Festival. It’s always so AWESSSSUUMMM! #cxcw #
  • I wish I could get a break from all these “marketing guru” douches who are just here to network with all of us Chads. #ChadByChadWest #cxcw #
  • .@JesseIsTerrific it’s no secret. The Chadyterian Church bankrolled the entire thing. Tax exempt status = better swag bags! #ChadByChadWest in reply to JesseIsTerrific #
  • Everybody with a platinum holographic foil laminate got a swag bag with an iPad2, the Beatles white album on vinyl and a vial of stem cells. #
  • @emilyvolman sexist?! This ain’t no sausage fest. There’s three girls for every Chad at #ChadByChadWest – the ladies love #cxcw get on board in reply to emilyvolman #
  • RT @emilyvolman “..women! THEY ARE NOT FUNNY!”// OH they’re not here to PERFORM.. just to cook, clean and have sex with all the Chads. #cxcw in reply to emilyvolman #
  • Incredible breakfast buffet here at the #ChadByChadWest fest. Everybody’s a-buzz about the Chaderiffic events scheduled for the day. #cxcw #

  • I find that most stick figure cartoon families on the back windows of minivans and SUVs I see should be much, much fatter. #

  • I don’t think newspapers get enough credit for their in depth printed recaps of what was on the Internet yesterday. Bravo! #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-03-05

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  • (random joke about Charlie Sheen being hilariously on the brink of self-destruction at all times, which I will regret / delete when he dies) #
  • @CalliaRiden just said, “put some clothes on, daddy. You look like a super lazy person who doesn’t want to do anything.” bingo! #
  • http://twitvid.com/I5JK5 – This guy just snuck in the back door at @ZaniesNashville to interview @TomGreenLive. Awesome / crazy. #
  • RT “@tomgreenlive: @ChadRiden Rock on Chad!!” // this whole weekend has been awesomely insane. Nashville! get tickets for sun night. #
  • It is with a sadness that I realize I’m too old, fat, drunk and hairy to be in this (and most) bars. #
  • The temperature inside my house is the exact same as outdoors. the ac/heat(?) is blowing furiously. I’m not sure which way we were headed.. #

  • tonight I’ll be live tweeting my hilarious,unique take on the live tweeting efforts of live tweeters’ live tweets. LIVE! #

  • RT @Anundson “@ChadRiden it wasn’t that long ago when you got us thrown out of The Villager.” // I get tossed out of there every time I go. in reply to Anundson#
  • @JesseIsTerrific I was talking to D about that last night. I’m doing his radio show tuesday, wanna go? http://on.fb.me/mUsiChAllin reply to JesseIsTerrific#
  • RT @nicoledz “I’d give up my bulk order of Thin Mints to play the SNES Aladdin game” // http://www.snes9x.com/ & http://bit.ly/SNESaladdinin reply to nicoledz#
  • oscars schmoscars. @TomGreenLive @MrSeanPatton & I’m doing one last show TONIGHT at 7:30pm at @ZaniesNashville – be early, it will sell out. #
  • Thank you for axing, I’m wearing boots, tattered jeans, a stolen jäger shirt and one of my brothers’ Firestone uniforms (in fatty size). #
  • I’m just glad *somebody* thanked The Academy.. they’re always the unsung heroes of Oscars night. #
  • One of my favorite types of douches: loud audience members who are shushed by the staff & then talk loudly about how they were told to stfu. #
  • RT @tomgreenlive Nashville late last night. http://post.ly/1gLXJ // thanks for the food & laughs, buddy. I had a ball. See ya around! in reply to tomgreenlive#
  • in feb I did 20 shows in 28 days in 5 cities w/ great comics, including @MariaBamfoo @DougStanhope @TomGreenLive @MrSeanPatton and more #
  • RT @andyandyfleming “@ChadRiden No one likes a braggart.” // I don’t care! I’m an F-18 powered by Charlie Sheen! WINNING! in reply to andyandyfleming#
  • RT @andyandyfleming “@ChadRiden it looks like you’ve been doing awesome things. So happy for you.” // I can read the hate between the lines. in reply to andyandyfleming#
  • Turns out I’ve been deathly ill the last three days. Totally thought it was just a terrible hangover. Oops #
  • @Late_Show I wish you would webcast the band during commercial breaks. I’d love to hear all of “Ghost Riders In The Sky” right now. #
  • the doctor’s office just called – confirmed that I do NOT have the flu, nor is it H1N1. I’ve got a tiger blood IV, but am not getting better #

  • you can’t teach idiots how to not be idiotic. #

  • I just sent someone a photo of my nut sack. I just pray this doesn’t come back to haunt me some day. #
  • Sometimes I talk to local open mic’ers and feel like Papa Smurf tactfully trying to explain how the world works to Bigmouth the ogre. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-07-31

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  • I’m equal parts proud and pissed off about how much Callia likes and relates to ‘Matilda’. She’s watching it for the third time in a week. #
  • RT @Anundson Nuns gone wild. Really? // You and I were the only ones in the room who’d ever seen that before. It’s so old it’s new again. #
  • Just watched video from the show on Monday. Why didn’t anyone tell me I was so f’n fat?! omg errbody. I gotta lose weight. After this pizza. #
  • Happy birthday to @TomGreenLive and my brother Swafford! Drink a drink, errbody. in reply to tomgreenlive #
  • This totally snuck up on me.. When did the youth make grown-out Bieber-esque comb-overs cool? WTF, pop culture. #
  • There are few sights as sad as a nerd separated from his laptop. I’ve never felt so naked and alone. #