- Happy Dead-Beat Father’s Day! Comedy Show 6-7pm TONIGHT at @ListeningRoom in Cummins Station, no cover! :: http://t.co/AgjSDN9 #
- Look everybody, now they’ve got VEGETARIAN beans! How. Do. They. Do. It. http://t.co/QQH4UIj #
- .@normmacdonald I feel like we’ve let YOU down. I love everything you do, but holy shit do I hate everything about sports. start podcasting! in reply to normmacdonald #
- I secretly hoped Tracy Morgan would talk about butt-fucking the whole time this morning. That would have been a hilariously meta call-back. #
I’ve never believed video games could make you violent, but if I ever see a green pig wearing a hard hat I’ll probably throw something at it #
- just called @comcast @comcastcares trying to turn off the phone service I never use but w/o that service my bill would have been higher? wtf #
- .@flewintheair I’m pretty sure @Comcast has some money laundering scheme going on.. Nothing they do makes any sense. in reply to flewintheair #
- @KatrinaLColeman @anundson I’m NOT raising money for a drunk driving dead beat dad. Instead of wasting money on booze support your f’n kids. in reply to KatrinaLColeman #
- Driving my car in or out of my garage makes me feel like a low budget suburbanite Batman. #
- Thanks to everybody who #FF‘d me. #FF you, too, buddy. #FF you, too. #
- hey @Anundson I have a lead on a brainwashing seminar / cult indoctrination weekend you might be interested in. It’s only $200 to register. #
- The only people who ever actually follow me after someone #FF‘s me is the other people who were listed in the same #FF . so it’s not working #
- #FF Dre! #FF Snoop! #FF Death Row! Now here comes my left blow! (am I doing this right?) #FF Eazy-E, wherever he is right now errbody. #
When single people have the same options to join each others’ health plans & tax breaks like married couples then THAT’s equality. #
- My brother Eric is the only person I know who could be (and is) totally pissed off about avocados. I feel the same way about chipotle. #
- i will not be impressed until my car can just wake me up when we get there. http://t.co/QssCbLP #
- This just in! Kanye West twittered something CRAAAAZY! (fart) #
- thanks to the team at Riden Auto, I now have a car fueled by the urine of the homeless. #
- ladies, “that’s what HE said” is NOT necessarily interchangeable with “that’s what SHE said” #thatswhatHEsaid #
- “just the tip” #thatswhatHEsaid #
- True, “everything happens for a reason” – but sometimes that reason is “because Daddy drinks.” #
The following is the front page story for The Daily Post-Athenian this weekend. This is just mind-blowing. FRONT PAGE NEWS IN ATHENS, TENNESSEE! Enjoy:
Friday, October 30, 2009
CLAXTON – You haven’t seen eerie or spooky until you’ve seen a 16-year-old jack-o’-lantern. Or, rather, the dried husk of a jack-o’-lantern with five faces carved in its surface.
Perry Riden said of the three “Riden Boys,” youngest son Eric was the pumpkin carver.
“Eric carved it when he was in eighth grade in 1993,” Riden said. “His Grandma Riden – whom they called Mammy – set it on cardboard over a floor register and dried it.”
Riden said her son got the idea to carve five faces in a large pumpkin from a character in “Transformers.” The design was patterned after the Quintessons, fictional aliens/space monsters that were both organic and robotic.
“If I understand it correctly, the Quintessons were creators of the Transformers in the 1980s cartoons,” Riden said. “This race of beings had squid-like arms and five faces on a robotic head.”
Riden has kept the dried pumpkin – complete with stem “cap” – for 16 years.
This is hilarious to me. Front page news! “Look! It’s an old pumpkin!”
The explanation of who the Quintessons are and what their role was in the original Transformers cartoons is all straight from me. I Twittered about being on the phone with my mom, explaining that to her. I spent 20 minutes giving her all of the glorious back-story details I have had crammed away in my brain since, what, 1985? That stuff is important! Everything else, forgotten. I took three Calculus classes in college. THREE! (Well, let’s be honest. I took the same Calculus class three times before I passed it. Still..) I remember NOTHING. I DO know the origin story of the Transformers inside and out. So suck on that, complete lack of marketable skills!
They referred to Grace Riden as “Mammy” – we started calling my dad’s parents “Mammy and Pappy” because they lived in Maryville, TN (read: “Muurrrrrrrrrviilllle” – not kidding, that’s how you say it) and those were the most country sounding names we could think up. They thought it was funny, too, and totally went along with it. I love how it makes us sound even more country bumpkin now. “Funky punkin’ bumpkin!”
Also, the ambiguous “Riden has kept the dried pumpkin.. for 16 years.” sounds like this is a wacky family keepsake my mom has held on to. She is a packrat, and it has to stop.. but I should clarify.. Eric Riden has kept the dried pumpkin for 16 years. Granted, it’s been sitting in his old bedroom back at the Riden Hascienda where he has not lived in the last 10 years.. but yeah it’s there. And it’s not the strangest thing there, by a long shot.. so send a photog and a reporter, news hounds, ’cause the story is much deeper than a dried gourd.
The paper, inexplicably, posted a 53-second video of the thing being rotated again and again.
Some people ask, “Hey Chad, what was high school like for you?” Imagine being in a town where the most exciting news for the weekend is a dried out pumpkin. This morning, there were a dozen elderly people sitting in a Hardees in Athens, TN drinking coffee and talking about the Quintessons.