Tag Archives: easter

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-04-30

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  • so God sends Jesus.. we kill him.. then we celebrate his brutal murder. What if we DIDN’T kill him, and instead acted like he told us to? #

  • hey @BillyWayneDavis @PunchlineMag thinks you’re adorable: http://j.mp/fAEVHb B-dub and Punchline sittin’ in a tree.. K-I-S-S-I-N-G! #
  • If someone has a shopping cart with 20-something cartons of soy milk, they’re bat shit, right? There can’t be a real reason for that. #
  • RT @birq Maybe they’re making soy meth. // If that were true, soy milk would be the lamest way to catch a buzz, ever. in reply to birq #
  • Even the awesomest massage chairs are still pretty terrible. Is a little league team jabbing me with baseball bats? No, “Full back refresh.” #
  • The lady doing my pedicure: “I feel like you King Kong! You SO BIG, I so small!” Keep talkin’ lady. #
  • RT @nprnews Is The Dalai Lama Playing A Dangerous Game? n.pr/gsqgzQ // Russian roulette? in reply to nprnews #
  • Headed Northbound on I-65 north of louisville round about the 29 mile marker, lookin fer that Smokey Bear report. Come on back, Southbound. #
  • RT @nprnews A Business That Helps Prostitutes Bloom In Recovery n.pr/dV03ne //the Magdalene program in Nashville! Awesome ladies, every one. in reply to nprnews #
  • RT @Anundson all clear to Derby city. Don’t be a dirty dan // 10-4 good buddy, I’m puttin’ the hammer down! in reply to Anundson #
  • I’m the youngest person in this casino by at least 450 years. #
  • I want to see @BarackObama‘s Social Security card. Why won’t he show it to us? What is he afraid of revealing? #
  • I’m faxing this to @JayLeno:”They made an Atlas Shrugged movie. Didja see those box office numbers? turns out, AMERICA SHRUGGED. (cue:music) #

  • the dumbest voices are always the loudest #

  • Pssst! This guy is a dildo. Pass it on. (Kewadin Casino, St. Ignace, MI.) http://t.co/l3J9Umm #
  • Just ripped a honey packet open like a meth’ed-up Winnie the Pooh. #honeypocalypse2011 #
  • I can’t take England / the British seriously precisely because of THIS faeiry tale horseshit that they refuse to just STOP doing. #rw2011 #
  • Oh, you’re “royalty”? Go fuck yourself. #rw2011 #
  • There is a woman here singing karaoke who sounds EXACTLY like Elvis in his prime. I suspect it’s really Bob Zmuda in drag. Don’t know. #
  • Fuck your pointless, powerless “royals” and their wedding. When England starts offing these bitches like Henry VIII’s wives, televise that. #
  • I smile every time @Twitter‘s sidebar lists accounts “Similar to you” & they ARE ME: @ComedyNews @ComedyPodcast @nsup @DruncleSam @i_idiots #
  • Going to a “beer tasting” in Milwaukee. I will attempt to document how much I end up “tasting” but my math gets bad quickly. #
  • Beer tasting tally update: a lot. #