Tag Archives: drunk

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-05-07

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  • The rain in Milwaukee smells like a wet hamster. A drunk, wet hamster. #
  • Dan Whitehurst and I just swerved to miss a black bear in the road! about 30 minutes south of Harris, MI. #
  • RT @KatrinaLColeman:”Surely you stopped and gave @bradbradbrad a ride.” // nope! He was 780 miles out of our way. Sorry Capital B. in reply to KatrinaLColeman #
  • RT @KatrinaLColeman:”Surely you stopped and gave @bradbradbrad a ride.” // OH! You were referring to how Brad is a fat, hairy gay man. #
  • I think this AM radio host just round-about accused @BarackObama of being on “Colored People Time.” #
  • Time to chime in, Everybody. #
  • Every soldier on that Bin Laden mission is an instant hero. Book deals, movies, free BJs for life – for every one of em. #

  • Lee Greenwood’s rotary landline phone is ringing off the hook. #

  • Water cooler office funny guys around the world are cracking their knuckles. My mom is FWD’ing Jesus-themed chainletters as fast as she can. #
  • Thousands of @cafePress shop owners are furiously Photoshopping infinite variations of the same three Osama Bin Laden jokes. #
  • At every truck stop I’ve been in today, I’ve been dying to scream out, “Osama Yo Momma!” just so I could count the high fives. #
  • mentally making lemonade #
  • I’m doing a short guest set on this: //RT @BillyWayneDavis Tonight @gobananascomedy in Cincinnati Kooks w @rysing @tomsimmonscomedy and me in reply to BillyWayneDavis #
  • RT @superpixels “You fuckers bragging about inbox zero?..” // I’m more productive than all of you with my inbox 16,825. http://t.co/7Un8Xd0 in reply to superpixels #
  • Please don’t compliment me when I’m drunk – I’ll give you my “how dare you like me!” speech. #
  • I really wish Sober Chad had no knowledge of Drunk Chad and vice versa. Each me only uses that info to hurt the other. #

  • Travel tip: in a pinch, toenail clippers are a handy & terrible way to trim your mustache. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-04-02

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  • “Have you seen this Rebecca Black ‘Friday’ video? It’s TERRIBLE! I’m gonna repost it everywhere & tell everyone I know!” I blame @DanielTosh #

  • Kids say “guess what?” a LOT. No, YOU guess what? Conversational MadLibs is annoying. Also, Nobody cares about your story at all. #
  • Took @CalliaRiden to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2. The entire theater smells like little kid farts. #
  • RT @nsup ‘Pound Dogs’ cartoon seeks funding http://bit.ly/eT0SYz // @MikeSalva just needs 334 people to give $5 each! We can do this, guys. in reply to nsup #
  • @AdultSwim @TheRealEarly I DEMAND TO KNOW WHY THE SQUIDBILLIES THEME IS NO LONGER SUNG BY BILLY JOE SHAVER. wtf guys, come on. #
  • .@WillieNelson has to sing a song in court to avoid jail: http://bit.ly/e2grIt – I didn’t know the Dukes of Hazzard was still in production. #
  • “Own the meatballs” – new BIZRQ cd available now: http://nashvillestandup.com/new-bizrq-cd-glass-half-meatballs-drops-today/ @Anundson @birq #
  • Wiped, completely reinstalled everything on my phone. The default setting for Everything seems to be ‘Annoy The Shit Out Of Chad.’ #
  • Officially stricken with my 2nd major sickness of 2011: shingles. Some call it Old Man Super Herpes Disease-O-Rama.. I call it weeks of FUN! #
  • DRUNK WARS documents drunks in their undisturbed natural habitat. Episode 20,110,312: http://bit.ly/DrunkWars #
  • RT @DJ_Spinja “YIKES!! I hope you’re better soon!” // I wish Twitter’s ‘Add your location’ function would allow me to say ‘on my death bed.’ in reply to DJ_Spinja #
  • RT @nsup: The album @ReggieWatts recorded live in Nashville is now at @Thirdmanvault – vinyl LP only, no digital. Go pick it up: http://bit.ly/RW3rd
  • RT @nsup: Listening to @ReggieWatts‘ live @Thirdmanvault record. Can clearly hear @SeanParrott & @ChadRiden laughing hysterically bit.ly/RW3rd
  • RT “@seanparrott: @Chadriden Is it finally out?” // it’s out! Go get it: bit.ly/RW3rd #
  • @NPR‘s Science Friday is about to do a funny scientific comedy show today for April Fools Day. Please don’t I’m already in enough pain. #
  • Just shot a bunch of man on the street stuff in 3D for @nashfilmfest – should be online Monday-ish. Get your 3D glasses ready. #
  • Got your 3D glasses? BEHOLD! AFCOAT on Broadway earlier tonight for @nashfilmfest, looking amazingly life-like. http://twitpic.com/4fxeju #
  • Hey April Fools Day Jokers, “unfunny lie” is NOT the same thing as a “joke” or a “prank”:
    http://splitsider.com/2011/04/ugh-april-fools-day #

  • One of the few things I hate about having a kid: waking up at 5am with Big Time Rush stuck in my head. Also: knowing Big Time Rush exists. #

  • RT “@ohexcuseme: just imagine It’s Slayer.”// you’re stronger than I. @nickelodeonTV‘s insta-tween-star factory will be the death of me. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-03-19

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  • As I was walking toward the venue’s door, it burst open and a couple were THROWN out. He screamed,”We were just bein’ LOUD AND DRUNK! WTF!?” #
  • TSOYA is a show/podcast about things that are Awesome. I send a donation to @youngamerican every month to pay back karmic debt. #MaxFunDrive #
  • RT @RobHaynes “@ChadRiden that reminds me of every Bob Seger song ever.”// HERE I gooooooooooOOOOOOO! tuuuuurrrn the paaaaage. in reply to RobHaynes #
  • The commotion seems to be that they’ve got about 15 girls in one cage and some of the girls started to fight with each other #ChadByChadWest #
  • Every once in a while I find out that something I’m looking for no longer even exists and I realize how old I am and it makes me a little sad. #
  • RT “@riley_fox: How the hell did I drive all the way to Indianapolis only to run into @ChadRiden? #foxinindy // I’m international! good 2cu #
  • I’ve been playing a LOT of @jasonmcleod‘s @basjian – a FUN Ultima-esque not-so-massive multiplayer online game written in javascript & node. #
  • RT “@mrseanpatton I just smoked a cigarette.. I am done smoking.” // Bullllllshit. Did some kind soul “buy” that pack for you, Mr. Loophole? in reply to mrseanpatton #
  • RT “@DougStanhope If you’re reading this on a phone in a bar, I hope they put AIDS in your daiquiri.”// laptop at home!Keep your AIDSy booze in reply to DougStanhope #
  • #ChadByChadWest has been awessssumm! SO many famous, funny Chads are here, it’s really hard to keep up with everybody I’ve met. #cxcw #
  • RT @birq: “@ChadRiden I wish I could have gone this year. Tell Chad I said hi.” // will do! Get your tix NOW for #ChadByChadWest 2012! #cxcw in reply to birq #

  • Still drunk from yesterday’s all night Chad-a-thon. Boy do the Chadyterians at #ChadByChadWest sure know how to party. #cxcw #

  • St. Louis! Tonight at 9pm:
    Brennan’s
    4659 Maryland Avenue
    Saint Louis, MO 63108
    (314) 361-9444
    New stories of drunken debauchery & douches! #
  • Everybody who DIDN’T come with me to St. Louis to do @MattConty‘s show is a fool. A FOOL! This is awesssssum. #
  • RT @JesseIsTerrific pour a 40 on the ground for Michael Gough, the crazy doctor in “Horror Hospital.” // oh NO! Dr. Christian Storm! Alfred! in reply to JesseIsTerrific #
  • I just set up my thing at the @VYou http://vyou.com/ChadRiden Are you on the #VYou ? I’m on the VYou. It sounds like an insult – Hey! VYou! #
  • Just did an interview w/ tv channels 2, 5 and 17 about the show Sat to benefit baby Landon Carpenter in Columbia, TN http://t.co/3n2MKxK #
  • If you can’t go to the show in Columbia Sat night you can donate to baby Landon’s fund at any middle TN Regions Bank. http://on.fb.me/egqT67 #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-03-05

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  • (random joke about Charlie Sheen being hilariously on the brink of self-destruction at all times, which I will regret / delete when he dies) #
  • @CalliaRiden just said, “put some clothes on, daddy. You look like a super lazy person who doesn’t want to do anything.” bingo! #
  • http://twitvid.com/I5JK5 – This guy just snuck in the back door at @ZaniesNashville to interview @TomGreenLive. Awesome / crazy. #
  • RT “@tomgreenlive: @ChadRiden Rock on Chad!!” // this whole weekend has been awesomely insane. Nashville! get tickets for sun night. #
  • It is with a sadness that I realize I’m too old, fat, drunk and hairy to be in this (and most) bars. #
  • The temperature inside my house is the exact same as outdoors. the ac/heat(?) is blowing furiously. I’m not sure which way we were headed.. #

  • tonight I’ll be live tweeting my hilarious,unique take on the live tweeting efforts of live tweeters’ live tweets. LIVE! #

  • RT @Anundson “@ChadRiden it wasn’t that long ago when you got us thrown out of The Villager.” // I get tossed out of there every time I go. in reply to Anundson#
  • @JesseIsTerrific I was talking to D about that last night. I’m doing his radio show tuesday, wanna go? http://on.fb.me/mUsiChAllin reply to JesseIsTerrific#
  • RT @nicoledz “I’d give up my bulk order of Thin Mints to play the SNES Aladdin game” // http://www.snes9x.com/ & http://bit.ly/SNESaladdinin reply to nicoledz#
  • oscars schmoscars. @TomGreenLive @MrSeanPatton & I’m doing one last show TONIGHT at 7:30pm at @ZaniesNashville – be early, it will sell out. #
  • Thank you for axing, I’m wearing boots, tattered jeans, a stolen jäger shirt and one of my brothers’ Firestone uniforms (in fatty size). #
  • I’m just glad *somebody* thanked The Academy.. they’re always the unsung heroes of Oscars night. #
  • One of my favorite types of douches: loud audience members who are shushed by the staff & then talk loudly about how they were told to stfu. #
  • RT @tomgreenlive Nashville late last night. http://post.ly/1gLXJ // thanks for the food & laughs, buddy. I had a ball. See ya around! in reply to tomgreenlive#
  • in feb I did 20 shows in 28 days in 5 cities w/ great comics, including @MariaBamfoo @DougStanhope @TomGreenLive @MrSeanPatton and more #
  • RT @andyandyfleming “@ChadRiden No one likes a braggart.” // I don’t care! I’m an F-18 powered by Charlie Sheen! WINNING! in reply to andyandyfleming#
  • RT @andyandyfleming “@ChadRiden it looks like you’ve been doing awesome things. So happy for you.” // I can read the hate between the lines. in reply to andyandyfleming#
  • Turns out I’ve been deathly ill the last three days. Totally thought it was just a terrible hangover. Oops #
  • @Late_Show I wish you would webcast the band during commercial breaks. I’d love to hear all of “Ghost Riders In The Sky” right now. #
  • the doctor’s office just called – confirmed that I do NOT have the flu, nor is it H1N1. I’ve got a tiger blood IV, but am not getting better #

  • you can’t teach idiots how to not be idiotic. #

  • I just sent someone a photo of my nut sack. I just pray this doesn’t come back to haunt me some day. #
  • Sometimes I talk to local open mic’ers and feel like Papa Smurf tactfully trying to explain how the world works to Bigmouth the ogre. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-11-28

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  • just added the Facebook “dislike this” Firefox plugin. Thank you, internet! http://tinyurl.com/ylayt4z #
  • just listened to the new @DougStanhope cd “From Across The Street” – I saw him live 4 times this year & a lot of this was still new to me. #
  • Tried to create the perfect breakfast beverage by blending champagne and coffee. It was FAR from perfect. Double fist it instead, kids. #
  • It is fantastic, everybody. Get it! // RT @DougStanhope MY NEW CD IS FINALLY OUT! HUZZAH! Quick, go to http://www.dougstanhope.com! Tell the World! #
  • Damn! // RT @bdonahueweedman @ChadRiden I was in rehab w/ a guy who ate coffee grounds out of the CAN with a spoon. Happy Turkey Day Chad. #
  • Having a happy national gluttony day, watching cartoon network, reading my parents copy of Sarah Palin: “Going Rogue”. It is hilarious. #
  • Just NE of Cincinnati on I-71e there is a huge barn with a rebel flag spanning the roof. Ohio? You can’t talk about the South being rednecky #
  • Tonights post-show cliche: the drunkest guy there (who heckled to “help”) ..had pointers! But bought merch, so I can’t TOTALLY hate him. #