Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-04-23

  • I spent a few hours at @nashfilmfest filming stuff. I’ll be back this evening for the 9pm red carpet with a flame-throwing car. #NaFF2011 #
  • RT @DJ_Spinja “I’m really tempted to go see 13 Assassins!!!” // it does sound awesome.. 9:30 tonight- don’t miss it, suckas! #NaFF2011 in reply to DJ_Spinja #
  • She always promises the world, but delivers a trailer park. #
  • So Exxon, Bank of America & GE get HUGE tax breaks.. my take-away: I should totally start a multi-billion $ corporation http://bit.ly/eRC1GJ #
  • The churchy’s say no abortion.. but God gave you a loophole: for Passover, just “forget” to dump lamb’s blood on your door. Problem solved! #
  • Trying to read about Passover so I can mock it, but it’s so excruciating- like reading some baseball player’s detailed wacky superstitions. #
  • You’ve got the right to believe whatever you want, but *I* believe all religions are equally ridiculous. #

  • a question for @ComedyCentral & @TheComedyAwards: we know how to donate TO “The Comedy Fund” but how do we apply for assistance FROM it? #
  • a stand-up video from my shows opening for @DougStanhope – “Chad Riden – The Death Penalty: WWJD?” http://bit.ly/deathWWJD #
  • .@ComedyCentral I see info about donating, the EIF, MPTV Fund & Actors Fund, but not info about how comics qualify for and get assistance. #
  • 4:20 on 4/20! DERRRRRRRRP! #
  • Read: $$$!//RT @realjeffreyross I get to roast him hard every night in front of an angry mob.. RT @fastlou711 Why are u saving Sheen’s show? in reply to realjeffreyross #
  • Keep your loud music to yourself, please! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and this beholder thinks your tunes suck ass. #
  • Booze.. WWJD? Jesus would turn water into wine and save the party. #
  • Skanky Whores.. WWJD? Befriend them and be best pals for life. Right, Mary Magdalene? #
  • .@SarahKSilverman Here’s Stacey Campfield’s blog post about it http://lastcar.blogspot.com/2011/04/dont-teach-gay-bill-passes-senate-ed.html in reply to SarahKSilverman #
  • .@SarahKSilverman the BIG questions is: what weird gay-sex scandal will eventually force Stacey Campfield to come out of the closet? in reply to SarahKSilverman #
  • .@SarahKSilverman little known fact: Stacey Campfield’s “don’t say gay” bill was originally called “ignore the gay and it will go away” #
  • The more often someone says “you know what I’m sayin” the less likely I am to know or care what they are saying. #

  • thanks to @Anundson @riley_fox @MattWardComedy @superpixels & @JohnUptonComedy for the #FF‘s! #FF you, too! #
  • saw a black guy at hobby lobby stocking shelves, rocking a Hitler mustache. So, that’s officially a thing you can do again. #
  • RT @McDonalds The incident in Baltimore is sad and reprehensible. // YOUR FOOD is sad and reprehensible. The Baltimore incident is tragic. in reply to McDonalds #
  • RT @DJ_Spinja Michael Jordan did it in a commercial. // AH! So that was the green light. I haven’t seen ads since I bought a @TiVo in reply to DJ_Spinja #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-04-09

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-08-21

I just got my Power Chair Scooter for FREE!

  • If you can’t trust “the Juggalos,” WHO CAN YOU TRUST!? Of course, if I could throw piss-filled balloons at Tila Tequila, I probably would. #
  • http://ping.fm/Bcwzl – I just got my Power Chair Scooter for FREE! Thanks Medicare! Get yours today from TheScooterStore.com #
  • Everyone has the equal right to believe whatever they want.. and I believe that everyones beliefs are equally stupid. #
  • Tonight I’m cooking up a giant kettle full of Don’t Give A Crap. Come on by! There’s plenty for everyone. #
  • RT @comedynews Paul Reubens Playboy Magazine Interview http://adjix.com/zyt7 // holy crap! @peeweeherman please make “Death Wish Pee-wee” #
  • RT @angelbomb: @ChadRiden When you coming back to MN, homey? // no idea. Petition ACME or somebody to bring me up there. #
  • I just want to point out that I predicted Google Wave’s miserable failure immediately: http://ping.fm/FbS7a #
  • my absolute favorite song of all time: Uncle Pecos on ‘Tom and Jerry’ singing “Crambo”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xGC9mNwTwQ #
  • honestly, I’m more interested in hearing about innovative uses of anti-social media. #
  • The tagline for Comedy Central’s “Big Lake” should be “drown in disappointment!” #
  • there is just not enough time for all of the hating-stuff that I’ve been meaning to do. Sorry guys. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-05-01

  • If you don’t have a recliner in your kitchen then you’re doing it wrong. http://twitpic.com/1i5fz9 #
  • I love people who fact-check *jokes*. Next maybe you could track down that chicken and find out once and for all WHY it crossed that road. #
  • On South Park will CC bleep “shark whistle” b/c they’re scared of pissing off irrationally angry Hammerheads? http://tinyurl.com/CCensorship #
  • @alyankovic Allright! Allright! You play a mean game of poker, sir. We just caved and bought tickets to see you in Knoxville on July 8th. #
  • Looking for the next celebrity hero of mine to pester with an insane one-sided twitter conversation. @SteveGuttenberg? @michael_winslow? #
  • Just jump-started a lady’s battery. That sounds like a euphemism for something a lot more interesting than what actually happened. #
  • Who’s the lucky gal or lad, who’ll win our FREE Absolutely Nothing?! FOLLOW us, RT now, & find out TOMORROW! #HateThisCrap #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-10-24

  • Awesome. RT: @alyankovic http://twitpic.com/mdmh7 – My wife and I do everything together. #
  • has a $600+ speeding ticket from Turner County, GA. No f#@&ing way that’s getting paid. WTF am I supposed to do? Not pay the mortgage? #
  • [ChadRiden.com] Never made this: “Pull My Finger” http://adjix.com/w4pj #
  • I’ll be stomping thru GA like Sherman the first week of November, doing a run of random shows. Please tell friends: http://adjix.com/kru5 #
  • is too legit to quit #
  • My mom just called and asked me about Quintessons. I wish I’d recorded the conversation. http://ping.fm/6ZDxx #
  • scheduling myself for a 5pm bourbonoscopy. (via @lgu) #
  • Ha ha! RT @birbigs “Jeff Dunham breaks ComedyCentral ratings records” http://bit.ly/4hSowj in other news, comedy is reportedly broken. #
  • Not me, man. F-that show. RT @jdsteinhauser @ChadRiden I saw that shit! I want to see the show now just to see how bad it is. #
  • Jeff Dunham show is dumb, racist, homophobic, ignorant & lowest common denominator.. of course it’s a huge mf’in success. #idiocracy #
  • Naturally, if he called me tomorrow with a paycheck, i’d be happy to cash it.. & he’d instantly be a legendary, visionary genius. #
  • I feel like I’m piling on to someone who was tackled a long time ago by badmouthing the Jeff Dunham Show. I don’t like badmouthing comics. #
  • I’ve met Dunham a few times and he couldn’t be a nicer guy, but Jesus Herbert Christmas The Third I can’t stand to watch that show. #
  • It’s like when Carlos Mencia had a show. My non-comic friends all LOVED it. I wanted to rip my brain out of my skull and set it on fire. #
  • Joke I used to do: “I saw a promo on Comedy Central that said, ‘What’s inside the Mind of Mencia?’ Uh, I don’t know.. other people’s jokes?” #
  • Again, I feel like I’m jumping on the bandwagon by crapping on Carlos Mencia. It’s been done.. by comics way better at it than me. #
  • Of course, I’ve been saying Jay Leno’s show sucked infected donkey ass for 19 years now. Everybody else just now seem to have realized that? #
  • #CHADRIDEN1K started on Oct. 8 with 388 followers. I’m now at 398! Slow down, everybody.. we don’t want to blow Twitter up. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-09-19

  • @ chuck e cheese. Tim Wilson's song is funnier when you're NOT here. #
  • New website! Stuff coming soon! Or not! Who knows. http://ping.fm/CXEup #
  • Doug Stanhope indirectly kept me out of jail and Bonnaroo traffic http://ping.fm/ms0x7 #
  • at least I'll be easier to avoid.. RT @wrongforum @ChadRiden Liking the new design. It'll be great to have all your info in one place again! #
  • Thanks and stuff! How's my sweet home, Chicago? RT @BenBergman @ChadRiden Enjoyed blog from your website. #
  • My life is like a weird combination of "Everybody Loves Raymond" and "The Dukes Of Hazzard" starring Robert Englund's goofy clone. #
  • Jay Leno IS dvr-proof! He isn't on my TiVo and won't be any time soon. #
  • RT @thecomicscomic Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Except when it's plagiarism. Or joke theft. if you RT this I'd be flattered. #
  • coffee in hand, fresh keg of beer in the kegerator, Police Academy 2 on Comedy Central. life could not possibly be better. #