Tag Archives: beer

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-06-04

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  • I think I made some lifelong friends at Springwater Supperclub in Nashville tonight . Good times #
  • .@RobHaynes @Gary__Fletcher @johnthorntonjr hell, all of @NashvilleComedy sorry for the mess guys. I guess I owe someone a pitcher of beer? in reply to RobHaynes #
  • I get thrown out of bars A LOT. It’s ALWAYS for a good reason. It’s ALWAYS worth it. I always wish I had video of it. I’m never sorry. #

  • I treated a heckler to a free full pitcher of beer. All over him. Then I put the pitcher on his head like a hat. Then I had to leave. #

  • watching You Got Served on TBS has inspired me to find my local $50,000 dance off competition and go rip it up, yo! That’s how I do. #
  • .@Ralphie_May f-this open mic’er shit, make me famous, fatty. My act isn’t gonna do it on it’s own. Help a brother out. in reply to Ralphie_May #
  • .@Ralphie_May c’mon, you know I love every ounce of you. in reply to Ralphie_May #
  • .@CNN – “War on drugs has failed, report finds” // the results of my personal investigation support these findings, but research continues.. #
  • If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.. but as it stands, the sun continues to shine quite amicably, so.. you know.. #
  • when mountains crumble to the sea, it’s every man for himself. #
  • LAST CHANCE to register to win FREE @RealTracyMorgan tickets @TheRyman from @nsup Fri. 6/3! @ 5pm we stop taking entries! http://j.mp/eGbpGK in reply to nsup #
  • HA! “Friends!? Comedians don’t have friends! They have ex-wives and irritable bowel syndrome!” – Comedy Devil Don Rickles on @TheDailyShow in reply to TheDailyShow #
  • Tracy Morgan promised to get me pregnant tonight. (@ Ryman Auditorium w/ 16 others) http://4sq.com/kRi4by #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-04-30

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  • so God sends Jesus.. we kill him.. then we celebrate his brutal murder. What if we DIDN’T kill him, and instead acted like he told us to? #

  • hey @BillyWayneDavis @PunchlineMag thinks you’re adorable: http://j.mp/fAEVHb B-dub and Punchline sittin’ in a tree.. K-I-S-S-I-N-G! #
  • If someone has a shopping cart with 20-something cartons of soy milk, they’re bat shit, right? There can’t be a real reason for that. #
  • RT @birq Maybe they’re making soy meth. // If that were true, soy milk would be the lamest way to catch a buzz, ever. in reply to birq #
  • Even the awesomest massage chairs are still pretty terrible. Is a little league team jabbing me with baseball bats? No, “Full back refresh.” #
  • The lady doing my pedicure: “I feel like you King Kong! You SO BIG, I so small!” Keep talkin’ lady. #
  • RT @nprnews Is The Dalai Lama Playing A Dangerous Game? n.pr/gsqgzQ // Russian roulette? in reply to nprnews #
  • Headed Northbound on I-65 north of louisville round about the 29 mile marker, lookin fer that Smokey Bear report. Come on back, Southbound. #
  • RT @nprnews A Business That Helps Prostitutes Bloom In Recovery n.pr/dV03ne //the Magdalene program in Nashville! Awesome ladies, every one. in reply to nprnews #
  • RT @Anundson all clear to Derby city. Don’t be a dirty dan // 10-4 good buddy, I’m puttin’ the hammer down! in reply to Anundson #
  • I’m the youngest person in this casino by at least 450 years. #
  • I want to see @BarackObama‘s Social Security card. Why won’t he show it to us? What is he afraid of revealing? #
  • I’m faxing this to @JayLeno:”They made an Atlas Shrugged movie. Didja see those box office numbers? turns out, AMERICA SHRUGGED. (cue:music) #

  • the dumbest voices are always the loudest #

  • Pssst! This guy is a dildo. Pass it on. (Kewadin Casino, St. Ignace, MI.) http://t.co/l3J9Umm #
  • Just ripped a honey packet open like a meth’ed-up Winnie the Pooh. #honeypocalypse2011 #
  • I can’t take England / the British seriously precisely because of THIS faeiry tale horseshit that they refuse to just STOP doing. #rw2011 #
  • Oh, you’re “royalty”? Go fuck yourself. #rw2011 #
  • There is a woman here singing karaoke who sounds EXACTLY like Elvis in his prime. I suspect it’s really Bob Zmuda in drag. Don’t know. #
  • Fuck your pointless, powerless “royals” and their wedding. When England starts offing these bitches like Henry VIII’s wives, televise that. #
  • I smile every time @Twitter‘s sidebar lists accounts “Similar to you” & they ARE ME: @ComedyNews @ComedyPodcast @nsup @DruncleSam @i_idiots #
  • Going to a “beer tasting” in Milwaukee. I will attempt to document how much I end up “tasting” but my math gets bad quickly. #
  • Beer tasting tally update: a lot. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-06-12

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  • this is my favorite photo so far from the whole BP oil spill fiasco: http://ping.fm/ROXJj #
  • someone just asked me if there are any stand-up open mic’s at Bonnaroo. Of course there are. Absolutely. See you there! #
  • you know it’s a good meal when the aftermath looks like a pagan sacrifice took place. http://ping.fm/zg1Ut #
  • Somebody just puked in the pool. Way to ruin it for everybody, kid. #
  • I wanted a cold beer. I envisioned a cold beer. I manifested a cold beer. mmmm. http://ping.fm/JMYEu #
  • RT @cnnbrk Rig survivors: BP ordered shortcut on day of blast http://on.cnn.com/b6JPul // way to go, jackasses #
  • RT @cnnbrk BP says it’ll donate sales of oil skimmed from surface of Gulf to wildlife fund http://on.cnn.com/cY13TN // slow, sarcastic clap #
  • Wed, I’ll be doing 30 minutes of hilarious pre-Bonnaroo comedy at Wingaroo: http://ping.fm/TEx3n #
  • I only have two things: my friends and my thermos. #
  • Tonight @ Wingeroo! 6:30pm Wingers Grill and Bar; 138 Relco Drive; Manchester, TN 37355 – come on over, hippies / hipsters! #
  • Show was delayed due to rain.. We’ll get started in a few. Come on over hippies, I can smell you. I know you’re here. http://4sq.com/9HbomR #
  • I-24 West @ exit 110 – ramp is a parking lot. Interstate traffic still flowing. #
  • Just drank two beers on @conanobrien ‘s tab (!) – thanks @reggiewatts and @stuckeymurray – have fun on the rest of your tours. #
  • RT @JerriBlank: Submit your life-altering choice and I promise to be glib! // I want to look cooler. What body part should I get amputated? #
  • @RobertWeedman @bdonahueweedman are you two sitting next to each other, communicating via Twitter? #
  • two shows tonight and two shows tomorrow in Johnson City, TN – let’s keep it classy, East Tennessee. http://ping.fm/QF8Yh #
  • RT @BryanMills Where are your shows in JC? // Comedy Zone @ the holiday inn; 101 W. Springbrook Drive; Johnson City, TN 37604 – 8 & 10pm #
  • I just missed my exit because I was steering with my knee, writing jokes about computer operating systems.. ’cause I’m smart! #
  • SCRATCH in Johnson City, TN: The best pizza in all of east Tennessee, hands down.. And plenty of good music on vinyl. stock up on chocolate sydneys, or you’ve failed. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-05-22

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  • the sensation of a tick crawling on your ass is unmistakable.. but you’re guaranteed to think you feel it again when you’re trying to sleep. #
  • if I’m going to beat @aplusk & @britneyspears to 5 Million followers I think I’m going to need a good old “Colbert Bump” from @StephenAtHome #
  • This just in: all the tv networks announced their lineups of crappy new shows they’ll cancel as soon as they air. Tune in! #
  • Dear Ted Turner, Cartoon Network should spin off a second channel called NOT Cartoon Network for all these shitty live action kids shows. #
  • totally pissed that I’m missing #davecon10 – @billlehecka & @micahwhite – please tell everybody in attendance that I said, “suck it.” #
  • Megan Fox won’t be in Transformers 3!? Where will they find another actress with the acting chops to fill the “generic hot girl” role? #
  • Every time I pack a school lunch for Callia I think about how funny it’d be to replace her drink box with a can of beer. Criminal, but funny #
  • @TheNashvillian & @bdonahueweedman – I don’t have any idea what’s going on in Nashville comedy, but @NSup & @NashvilleComedy sure does. #
  • just imagining Callia’s frustration cracks me up. She’d pick up the can of beer, look at it and scream “DADDY!” and be pissed. ha ha ha. #
  • I’m probably psychotic for finding joy in that, but just knowing how irritated she’d be with me is hilarious. #
  • then there’s the school freaking the hell out. that’s a whole other level of awesome. then the police show up and the laughing stops. #
  • I’m at Your Mom’s House (cheaney glen drive, Old lebanon dirt road, Hermitage). http://4sq.com/dq4Uhk #
  • Mohammad Draws Mohammad and gives the thumbs-up for “Everybody Draw Mohammad Day” …so… it’s totally ok now: http://ping.fm/Pskec #
  • OMG errbody, I can’t wait for the LOST finale! I don’t know what show to obsess over next.. maybe Gilmore Girls? NO, that would be stupid. #
  • RT @cklouis I have a great idea how 2 plug the oil leak in the gulf of mexico.kick sarah palin right in her stupid vagina.Then plug the leak #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-12-26

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  • Watching David Letterman try to knock his Christmas tree down with a motorized cupcake http://bit.ly/8ta0ur @Late_Show #
  • You missed it! Next one is 1/22 // RT @daynise @ChadRiden See you at the “I HAVE NO FRIENDS COMEDY SHOW” http://tinyurl.com/nofriends-1-2010 #
  • I almost said to my 6-year-old: “Come on, you’re acting like a little kid!” *almost*. #
  • Last night, Callia said, “Daddy, it’s HARD taking care of a child.” “How do you know?” “*I’m* a child. I can tell.” #
  • Finished off the keg of Longshot ’96 Hazelnut Brown Ale. Impatiently waiting on my Old Rasputin Imperial Stout clone to finish fermenting. #
  • Merry Christmas! Happy Jew-time! Kooky Kwanzaa! Funky Festivus! ..or whatever the hell it is you celebrate, enjoy it. #
  • setting up the Santa snare. I think this is the year we finally snag that sum-bitch. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-12-19

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  • Sold out show tonight with @vinniecoppola, @chadriden, & Brian Malis. Crowd is trickling in http://twitpic.com/ta9kh (via @varietytheater) #
  • Sponsors-schmonsors. Tiger Woods is already richer than anyone ever needs to be. I’d sell that house and disappear forever. #
  • Registered for the UT-Knoxville alumni Apprentice Program, hoping some students will want to drink beer and be a smartass for a living. #
  • Geeks Gone Wild! at the Chrismahanukwanzakah Party Thu! Ugly xmas sweater = free drink! http://urlzen.com/10wg (via @nashvillegeeks) #
  • I had fun, thanks!// RT @geoffsmith @ChadRiden Thank you for your comedy tonight. You really hit the nail tonight. You are one talented guy. #
  • I’m such a whore: // Ho ho ho! Win a Macbook Pro from @dealsplus for Christmas. Details here: http://bit.ly/7kMWCB #
  • The “I HAVE NO FRIENDS” Stand-Up Comedy Contest – TONIGHT, 9pm: http://ping.fm/n3vP8?eid=215354301991&ref=mf #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-12-05

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  • I just generated my #TweetCloud out of a year of my tweets. Top three words: tonight, comedy, night – http://w33.us/2kit #
  • http://twitpic.com/rpdom – The Reindeer toilet. If this is in your house, I hate you. #
  • It’s childish, I know.. but I snicker every time the CNN anchor says, “Cyber Monday.” Cyber-anything = “cyber-spanking it” in my mind. #
  • You’re all invited to “Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo” – dinner & break-dancing movies tonight at my house: http://adjix.com/xbvq #
  • Turkeys are cheap if you buy em the day after Thanksgiving. The bird is in the oven! The kegerator is full of Paulaner Hefe-Weizen! #
  • AND after the meal, we’ll be gathering around the tv to watch the break dancing cinematic classics Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2. #
  • (I hate sports, so this is what we do instead of watching football or whatever it is people do.) #
  • I KNOW we did the exact same thing Feb 25th, but “Electric Boogaloo” is too fun to say & “Thanksgiving 3: Electric Boogaloo” sounds stupid. #
  • Technically, this could be “Thanksgiving 4: The Quest For Peace” – but I don’t want to over think this. #
  • I know it’s late notice, but “planning” is for ass-hats. If you can’t make it for any reason, we’ll take that to mean you don’t love us. #
  • The E! Network interrupted the Punky Brewster ‘behind the whatever’ show with “breaking news” about Tiger Woods. Suck it, everybody at E! #
  • Thanks to everybody who came out for “Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo 2: Electric Boogaloo’er” last night. Turkey + booze + breakin = fun #
  • Random Chad Fact: I have an insane, irrational hatred for sports, athletic ability, and physical effort in general. #
  • Having tooled around with Google Wave for all of 7 minutes, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a failure and they should turn it off. #
  • Watching Maria Bamford’s free ONE HOUR HOMEMADE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL again. You should too: http://mariabamford.com #
  • Cash is great. I also take checks, paypal, cheese, beer and pictures, but leave only footprints & the scent of cheep booze & beef jerky. #
  • every news show on tv has turned into some retarded mix of Entertainment Tonight, Mtv News & the end of Planet of the Apes. #
  • my favorite thing on Twitter: random person says, “Get 1000′s of followers!” – then you click on their page and they’ve got 42 followers. #
  • I still view everything as a giant jocks vs. nerds struggle. I was in a bar this weekend and football was on tv.. #
  • ..someone asked me “who’s your team?” and I told them “I wish they ALL would lose.” You should have seen the confused stares. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-11-21

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  • Drinking coffee, listening to the jack Kerouac collection, driving home after two weeks on the road.. Wishing harm to minivan drivers. #
  • Ha! RT @sbellelauren getting a facebook account named “jesus christ” to tell people to stop posting about god & just diddle themselves more. #
  • Like Sarah Palin, I’m reloading. Except I’m “reloading” with homebrew beer and hate. #
  • This is the second day in a row Callia has come home from school early because she’s “sick.” My frustration levels are off the MFing charts. #
  • @bdonahueweedman she has a bad cough, reportedly from allergies, but isn’t SICK-sick.. but we think she’s figured out how to get sent home. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-10-17

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  • Doing 20-ish minutes 7:30 tonight @ Zanies “best of Nashville” show. Might do the Crazy Monkey Dance.   #
  • RT @bdonahueweedman @ChadRiden I know I can’t shut up about it, but u could be the comedy version of Anvil. in reply to bdonahueweedman #
  • RT @nsup tonight! Billy Wayne Davis & the comedy robots!? 7:30pm @ZaniesNashville – video & info here: http://bit.ly/gDixA #
  • RT @zaniesnashville 4 FREE tix to Billy Wayne Davis & The Comic Bots 10/14-call 615-269-0221 & say facebook for yours! http://bit.ly/1A0QKL #
  • RT @nsup Billy Wayne Davis, @ChadRiden, Mark @Anundson – NO ROBOTS! 7:30pm @ZaniesNashville – FREE tickets: 615-269-0221 & say Facebook #
  • Fun times at @ZaniesNashville 2nite, as always. Thanks to B-dub, @Anundson, @JoelWilson17 for video support & all the Rastas who showed up! #
  • I just threw a handful of Liberty hops into a boiling kettle of E.J. Phair’s Rye Beer. LIBERTY! Suck on that, Osama! #
  • 395 Twitter followers! That #CHADRIDEN1K train can.. not.. be.. stopped. BUT it can be delayed. Sorry for the wait, everybody. #
  • RIP Captain Lou Albano! I now put a rubber band in my beard in your honor, sir. http://adjix.com/mcse #
  • Seen in a bathroom last night: “For a good time, call SouthStreet comedy club in Jackson, TN this weekend.” http://ping.fm/aMDah #
  • Anytime you plan on staring at the sun for a while, it’s just smart to take a few precautions: http://adjix.com/vskj #
  • in the yard, trying to convince Callia to just get in the damn balloon. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-09-26

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  • BEHOLD! Good tidings of great joy! Jesus Appears In My Spaghetti – http://ping.fm/LvLvv #
  • I love my wifera. She's beautiful, she's wonderful, she's perfect. L O V E M Y W I F E R A. Suck it, everybody else. #
  • The frigging President of the United States is on Letterman. If you had told me in 1983 that would happen someday I would have stared at you #
  • No idea what Gossip Girl is, but "fagtards" sounds appropriate. @redban dudes I know are "Gossip Girl" watchers… you sirs, are fagtards! #
  • Dave Letterman is telling a story about being shitfaced! If you don't tivo his show every night, you, sir, are a GAT DERN FOOL. #
  • NOTE: I currently have a kegerator full of Belgian Saison. I also have both a child and cunty neighbors. I share beer with everybody else. #
  • My wifera saw my "cunty neighbors" comment and wanted to know what happened. No big incident.. it's just fun to say. There r good ones, too. #
  • Maggie Serota just coined the (word? phrase?) "ChuckleFuckers" in this interview with Greg Giraldo http://tinyurl.com/mfw9mr via @comedynews #
  • re: "ChuckleFuckers" – I vote for full adoption of this to our comedy nomenclature. http://tinyurl.com/mfw9mr #chucklefuckers #
  • Introducing Granny McSassy-Pants: http://ping.fm/heR1D #
  • TN rastas – I'll be in in Nashville @ Zanies Thursday night & @ Music City Bar & Grill Friday night & @ the Hi-Tone in Memphis Sunday. #
  • awesome. RT @comedynews Hooray! You know what to do, errbody: RT @peeweeherman I'm back! Follow Pee-wee! #peewee #
  • RN's have THE BEST stories. Plus, their stories are all *illegal*. Just by talking about work, they're violating HIPAA laws.. extra naughty! #
  • I started this morning off by killing a mouse by punching it. The cat caught it & let it loose & I just reacted. #
  • I don't know if you've ever punched a mouse to death before, but it makes you think about the possibility of rage issues. #
  • Behind me, Callia said, "I love ALL creatures great and small and I think we should just let it go." So I tossed the corpse into the woods. #
  • Heartwarming stories like "punching a mouse to death" and more! Tonight, 7:30pm at Zanies Nashville! $12. http://ping.fm/tkfLh #
  • RT @zaniesnashville 4 FREE tix @ 7:30PM call 615-269-0221-say twitter & RT this deal- BEST OF NASHVILLE: TC COPE, CHAD RIDEN & LAHNA TURNER #
  • RT @nsup The I Have No Friends Comedy Contest – 9pm @ Music City Bar & Grill; 2416 Music Valley Dr. http://links.comedynews.org/kx4a #
  • I'm supposed to bring one of the dogs to Callia's school this afternoon. The chances of this being a complete disaster is very, very high. #

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