Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-12-12

  • Washing and drying a few loads of snuggies, slankets and bariatric slipper socks. #
  • RT @toddbarry: My favorite part of getting the Sunday NY times: throwing out the Sports section. #
  • “Osama Bin Laden has never touched a dime of his Al Qaeda money, living entirely off of his stand-up income.” Late Show fun fact 10/9/2009 #
  • RT @Anundson: Chad Riden and Jesse Perry live in studio on Tues Dec 8th 8-9am WRVU 91.1. The final Get Up Stand Up! streaming @ wrvu.org #
  • #CHADRIDEN1K started on Oct. 8 with 388 followers. I’m now at 414. I’m starting to think we’re not on track to hit 1,000 by NYE, everybody. #
  • Remember my pledge to donate ONE THOUSAND pennies to charity if I get 1,000 followers by the end of 2009!? C’mon, Twitter.. where’s your <3? #
  • IT’S FOR CHARITY, people. Surely we can find 586 twitter users who like random, passive-agressive jackassery? Tell a friend: #CHADRIDEN1K #
  • Uh, oh. I’m getting all retrospective-y on 2009.. I only kinda remember what I did this year, so I’ll mark it down as a success. #
  • In 2010, I’ll continue my quest for more & better quality of everything, but will settle for whatever and be satisfied with none of it. #
  • Callia and I tastefully decorated the house last night. My lovely wifera just said, “it looks like Christmas threw up in here.” #
  • Woke up thinking WWJD?, so we’re sitting around the fireplace drinking whiskey & singing ironically anti-semitic lyrics to Christmas tunes. #
  • Endorsement – Dr. Bamford’s NO SOAP™ http://ping.fm/ESu0h #
  • RT @Anundson was just informed I am not welcome back on WRVU, seven hours after I announced I wouldn’t be back. another bridge burned #wrvu #
  • Jim Hayes, Assistant Director of Student Media/Broadcasting at Vanderbilt University, is a giant dildo. (it’s not libel if it’s true!) #wrvu #
  • Once again, telling Callia that old story about the time I got into a gunfight with Santa Claus. (Don’t hate on me, he started it.) #
  • actually it was TG2:EB2: Electric Boogaloo’er! // RT @themightychuck @GeoffBreedwell Chad just celebrated Thanksgiving 2 Electric Boogaloo #
  • Dear Internet, could I please have more shitty Tiger Woods jokes? I can’t get enough of ‘em! I just know they’ll stand the test of time.. #
  • ha! David Letterman’s first message on twitter: RT @Late_Show Do you smell veal and peppers? // yes, Dave. Yes, I do. #
  • judging from the evidence I’ve gathered in and around my bathroom, last night I brushed my teeth with A+D diaper rash cream. #
  • the anchor on CNN just said, “electriZZZity.” could someone around Atlanta please punch her in the face for me? ty #
  • Callia brought home her first Kwanzaa related school work today. mat? fruit? candles? ears of corn? unity cup? gifts? we’re converting. #
  • Project: Scientology Sucks (a video prank contest) – cash prizes! I want to do this: http://ping.fm/qHrJz #
  • I just try to steal their hearts. // RT @Grimeys: it makes me cry when you steal from us @Grimeys… just so you know (via @NashvilleCream) #
  • I feel sorry for the people who hate the USA but love Lee Greenwood. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-11-07

  • Several houses have opened the door to say “we have no candy.” Go to the store! Today’s the day you need candy. #
  • RT @DougStanhope The cost of being honest about the obvious…http://bit.ly/2s0zkt #
  • I never book shows on Halloween. What, like I’m going to let my 6-year-old daughter dress up like “Sexy Satan” and NOT be there?! #
  • Happy Dia de los Muertos, errbody! (That’s “Day of the Dead”, Gringo.) #
  • Oprah:”tip 10%”, ensures shitty service 4 self at every restaurant forever: http://bit.ly/3MB9Rd #serversVSoprah #
  • Even if the “tip 10%” thing is a hoax.. can I still have insane, irrational hatred for Oprah for no reason? #
  • Oprah used the head of a midget as a cup holder.. all for charity. (via Random Celebrity Rumor Generator) http://tinyurl.com/CelebRumor #
  • Oprah ran a meth lab with Mister Rogers before a throng of adoring fans.(via Random Celebrity Rumor Generator) http://tinyurl.com/CelebRumor #
  • Oprah snorted coke off the ass of a librarian and sold plans 2 Al Qaeda (via Random Celebrity Rumor Generator) http://tinyurl.com/CelebRumor #
  • Oprah called Britain ‘Gayland’ because the Bible says to. (via Random Celebrity Rumor Generator) http://tinyurl.com/CelebRumor #
  • Hey, I’m coming to GA wed-sun & i’m bringing a mouth full of funny with me. Hope to see you around town. http://tinyurl.com/yfm7k8b #
  • Just got a Facebook request to be some chick’s “barn buddy” – I don’t know what this means, but it sounds like my wife wouldn’t like it. #
  • Atlanta, GA! @ Laughing Skull Lounge at The Vortex Bar & Grill tonight, 8pm – FREE poisoned candy! plus my comedy http://tinyurl.com/yfm7k8b #
  • Laughing Skull Lounge was awesometastic. Now to the Buford Variety Theater.. #
  • The Long Island Lolita Amy Fisher is at the Pink Pony in ATL thurs #
  • ..and fri night. Screw MY shows, this’ll be hilarious. #
  • lou ferrigno (“the incredible hulk”) was Michael Jacksons personal trainer. That’s not a joke (yet). #
  • 9pm Tonight-Comedy Gold @ The Landmark Diner – Buckhead; 3652 Roswell Rd NW; Atlanta, GA 30305 404-816-9090 http://adjix.com/mutq #
  • Just walked into a nice, quiet coffee house.. spilled hot coffee all over my hand, and yelled “SHIT!” Hey Macon GA, Wacky McJackass is here! #
  • @Gabe138 I thought it was the one in 5points, but nope. Downtownish. It would help if Atlanta had 1 or 2 street names OTHER than Peachtree. in reply to Gabe138 #