Scary Ghost (Halloween trick or treat sketch)

Scary Ghost – watch more funny videos
Posted in sketch, video Tagged with: , , , , ,

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-10-06

  • Nothing like a car wash to remind you that little kids are terrible at washing cars & pretty much everything. #
  • you are delicious, @twix.. but when your commercial says, (blah blah) "..on to cookie.." I want to bash in the head of the voiceover guy. #
  • if you ever need to get pumped up on a Monday morning, just listen to the Team America soundtrack. #
  • When end-of-neighborhood'ers speed past my house, I imagine them crashing into their own houses and dying in the fire. #TheSecret #
  • I love this: The Phone Stacking Game // RT @HuffPostComedy: This game changes everything #
  • October 1, 2012 beard update #
  • I'm on this show RT @nsup: "the thinking manโ€™s hillbilly" @BillyWayneDavis at @ZaniesNashville ONE SHOW ONLY! Wed, 10/3 #
  • Drew Barrymore named her daughter Olive. Future drink-garnish-named siblings might be called: Orange Peel, Lime Twist, Coctail Umbrella.. #
  • sounds like lunch at my house RT @bdonahueweedman: RT @NC5: Ky. Restaurant Closed After Bringing In Road Kill #
  • ๐Ÿ™ #
  • listening to "The Evil Empire Of Everything," the awesome new Public Enemy album. Good job @MrChuckD! Get it now: #
  • tonight at @ZaniesNashville with @BillyWayneDavis at 7:30! call 615-269-0221 & ask for the "Chad Riden discount" (none) #
  • after @ZaniesNashville, we're all going to @SpringwaterNash for the Dive Laughing mic at 9:30, which is consistently the funnest mic in town #
  • Tonight is my 3rd consecutive night of local comedy shows. Will I get drunk enough to tell the ladies to "drop that hero and get w/ this 0?" #
  • Someone asked me to be her sugar daddy. Answer is YES so long as you accept as a substitute the Sweet-n-Low packets I took from IHOP. #
  • Are "gingers" are the last group of people you can still get away with disparaging for something they can't control? @JAustinJohnson = bully #
  • Beard update, Thursday October 4, 2012: less homeless? #
  • I haven't seen any clips of this "Nashville" show on ABC, but I'm pretty sure I already hate it a lot. @nashvillescene #
  • I had a fun night last night.. right up until I saw @LeeRoyDiggler eat biscuit and gravy with his bare hands. Some things can't be un-seen. #
  • ads talking about how great the iPhone 5's ear buds are is like making ads about how great the floor-mats are in a new Mercedes. #
  • I need someone to dog-sit for me next week. if any of you stalkers wanna come in out of the yard into the house, this is the perfect chance. #
  • Turns out I'm going to need somebody's help keeping this Franzia nozzle in my butt-hole. I can't do that AND work the valve. #GoVols #
  • just remembered that I dropped the mic @ChrisRock style after a particularly satisfying round of Drunk DefJam RapStar Monday night. #single #
  • I'm at Red Rooster (Nashville, TN) w/ 2 others #
  • Prince's Hot Chicken Shack opens at 2pm today. Who is down, Nashville? Bring Tums and bring cash. #
Posted in twitter

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-09-29

  • you tell 'em, sassy britches! #
  • yeay! @NashvilleComedy Comic's Lunch w/ @maryjayberger & whoever else shows up: NOON today at @NashFarmMarket. Be there, suckas! #
  • what's with these kids taking alcohol rectally? just an excuse for ass-play? BACK IN MY DAY we drank booze with our GD mouths like MEN. #
  • . @MittRomney reminds me of @DannyDeVito's character in "Other People's Money." (video) #
  • .@CalliaRiden just tagged the end of a Chuck E. Cheese commercial's: "where kids can be a kid" with: "..for $30 an hour." So proud. #
  • RT @PaulinaGC: Now I miss the trifectas at Steve's. #beard #glasses #hoodie // if you spot a trifecta wearing plaid, you automatically win. #
Posted in twitter

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-09-22

  • I'm glad you guys are here to keep us all updated on how those sports events are going. HOW ELSE WOULD WE EVER KNOW? #
  • .@JesseIsTerrific you misunderstand! I'm being sincere. How would I ever follow sports if it weren't for the updates from random people? in reply to JesseIsTerrific #
  • I LOVE my TN Vols, but I HATE watching games live and do not enjoy them on tv or radio, so before social media I had no way to get updates. #
  • When I watch sports I wonder, "did that just happen? I better check social media for confirmation from people who saw the exact same thing." #
  • so Romney is addicted to porn. RT @radleybalko Anti-porn crusader says top Romney advisor told him Romney intends to "launch a war on porn." #
  • I don't hate sports as much as I LOVE it when someone is upset that their team lost. My dream is that they ALL could lose, all the time. #
  • Hey everybody who is all pissed off that their favorite sports team lost, try not giving a shit. Benefits: reduced stress & more free time. #
  • have people started equating having a HUGE phone with having a TINY penis yet? #
  • .@NSup's @NashvilleComedy Comics' Lunch! Today at NOON at the Farmer's Market food court thing! Be there, or suck it! #
  • Finally getting my ass implants! (@ Vanderbilt Health (One Hundred Oaks)) #
  • I'm at Hooters (Hermitage, TN) #
  • All of my dick jokes are for the glory of The Lord. // RT @Ashley_Corby: Telling jokes for Jesus with @ChadRiden #
  • Tim Tebow is the Sarah Palin of Football. @TimTebow @SarahPalinUSA #
  • I have the fashion sense of an invalid chimp, but I do know that your high-waisted shorts look unflattering and stupid, Ladies. #
  • I've always heard Cokes were healthy! WTF! // RT @Reuters: Studies show stronger link between soda and obesity #
  • Guys! I just found a piece of papyrus that says Jesus thinks you're all ridiculous. #
  • Just found an outline for a YardFlix show 10 years ago when I did "Interpretive Christian Breakdancing" to a #
  • "Hookers plus champagne equals hilarious comedy" #
  • Look! A photo from way back in the day when the @nsup Tuesday mic had real AUDIENCES! #
  • Old publicity photos (from 2003?) of me pretending to cry and/or snort a microphone? Awful. #
  • I'm at Starbucks Coffee (Manchester, TN) #
Posted in twitter

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-09-15

  • I haven't read Revelations lately but I'm pretty sure โ€Ž"shirtless dudes" is one of the plagues of the apocalypse. #
  • It sounds like you guys have totally forgotten about The Alamo, Pearl Harbor and the Charmin. #NeverForget #
  • Why does everybody keep talking about 1991 made for tv drama "Never Forget" starring Leonard Nimoy? #TNTFORLIFE #
  • #fuhgeddaboudit #
  • They say, "everything happens for a reason." I think that's true, but sometimes that reason is: "because Daddy drinks." #
  • I need new pants. Fashion-aware people in Nashville, where do I go? I want to look nice but not gay or trendy. Goodwill is all I know. Help. #
  • .@Jest included me in this thing: "New Subreddit: Stand-Up Comedy In Screencaps (it's like Louis C.K. but faster)" in reply to Jest #
  • "All I want out of life is the new Wii.." #StandUpShots #Wii #WiiU #
  • no but my pals @stuckeymurray have the fuxedo: //RT @CorporateJugger point me in the direction of a crotchless tuxedo? #
  • I hope my anti- anti-Islam-film film isn't misconstrued somehow. #
Posted in twitter

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-09-08

  • FUN shows with @hannibalburess & @fatboyBarnett at @zaniesnashville tonight, despite my ridiculous BBQ-smoke-scented shenanigans. #
  • FYI @fortunefunny is awesome and hilarious and my new hero. If you like laughing your ass off go see her every chance you get. #
  • Old Ben Riden just told me I "drive like I'm in a race." Just shut it & hold on. #
  • The Chad Riden way of doing things: water pump goes out on your daily driver? buy another old diesel Mercedes, fill it up with wvo & GO. #
  • Just got my dogs' oil changed & tires rotated. (@ Lebanon Road Animal Hospital) #
  • Regardless of how hilarious it sounds, "Fudge Packer" is still a real job. #
  • Great idea! Let's consolidate ALL the awful crap onto your channel. // RT @MTV premiering @Twilight #BreakingDawn Part 2 sneak during #VMA #
  • My favorite way to drive myself crazy is to point out all the places where there should and easily could be got damn turn lanes. #
  • My roommate used to get off of work, eat a bowl of Raman, drink one beer & then pass out in my lazyboy. Every single day. #thatsmyroommate #
  • Oh how the mighty have fallen: Guido DeVille hates his cone of shame. #bowWow #
  • I thought 3D printers were stupid until I learned they can print NEW 3D printers AND guns: I'm in! #
  • VMAs during the DNC? Back in MY DAY @Mtv wanted to "Rock the Vote" not cock-block the vote. #grumble #grumble #WhipperSnappers #grumble #
  • the importance of "stage presence" exemplified: "um, ok" = the response I get 95% of the time I make a joke to a girl via text message. #
  • I'm at Cinco De Mayo (Old Hickory, TN) #
  • WHO are these "undecided" voters and wtf is their problem? Are they being coy? Is it a way to pretend to be thoughtful? Read up and decide. #
Posted in twitter

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-09-01

  • I love going to county fairs just to stay abreast of the latest trends in jailbait fashion. #
  • Nashville doesn't have one of those regional "ha ha! you just ate fried testicles!" things. I say we start doing that w/ hot chicken dicks. #
  • grab it by the head, use it to freak out @CalliaRiden. // RT @Tennessean: Snake pops head through AC vent of car.. How would you react? #
  • "denial" // RT @SNMNetwork: Okay, news fans, if you could sum up the first night of the #RNC in one word, what would it be? #
  • That's not how *I* feed animals! I put my dog's food in a special bowl while he does a little doggy dance.. I don't throw peanuts at-OH! oh. #
  • Check out my America Strikes Back: All-Access Pass. Make your own at #ColbertAllAccessPass #
  • Fundamentally reduce the size of this government? Chris Christie can't "fundamentally reduce the size" of his own ass. #awwwSNAP #
  • Consistently mentioning dead hookers, AIDS and rape are both edgy AND original & a great way to impress bookers. #fakeadvicefornewcomics #
  • The younger you are, the more receptive the crowd will be to your political and social views. Nevermind punchlines! #fakeadvicefornewcomics #
  • Comedy contests that target open-micers and require an entry fee are a great way to go pro overnight. #fakeadvicefornewcomics #
  • My pal @MoAlexander is going to the San Francisco comedy competition. Help him get there: #
  • no shit, they're liars. // RT @nprnews: Bank Of America Hasn't Modified Any Mortgages, As It Had Agreed To #
  • You should travel to other cities and beg clubs to feature you before you even get an emcee gig at your local club. #fakeadvicefornewcomics #
  • I'll be at @ZaniesNashville fri-sat with @HannibalBuress & sun with @ChelseaLately's @FortuneFunny. If you can but you don't go you're dumb. #
  • HELL YEAH!! // RT @Henlips: Guess it's official. Thanks for everyone supporting Punching the clown! #
  • Fingers crossed that "Clint Eastwood" turns out to be Michael J. Fox as Marty McFly trying to be incognito at the RNC. #
  • Make me a 3D Printer that prints out 3D Printers & then you've got somethin // RT @tonyyoungblood: Build a 3D Printer.. #
  • Nobody follows the people you list in your #FF #039;s. Just RT stuff from those people.. that works. Also, if you RT #FF lists you should stop. #
  • now you're being mean: RT @LeeRoyDiggler: Shout out to @ChadRiden funny guy, good parent, comic, and bodybuilder. You are ok with me, Riden! #
  • Thanks buddy, fight the powers that be. // RT @FamousMike @ChadRiden great set @zaniesnashville tonight, fucking hilarious! #
  • You're my new favorite person// RT @shannonfox Met you at early show at Zanies tonight (complimented your Cons) and found you to be awesome! #
  • Good times. xxxooo // RT @Brianekiley Getting ready to lay down some jokes at @zaniesnashville with @ChadRiden and @hannibalburess . #
  • It's 187 miles to the @riden_family Hacienda, I have two Boston butts & one beef brisket, it's dark and I don't own sunglasses. #
Posted in twitter

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-08-25

  • Say funnier stuff and more people will follow you. It's tacky to ASK them to. #

  • Pooning' hooters girls in their butt-holes using 911 sauce as lube. You? (@ Hooters) #
  • I'm designing the butt-hole equivilent of a sleeve tattoo. #
  • Everybody who was bitchin that "rape jokes are never funny" can suck it. #
  • A great way Improv Everywhere could surprise and delight me again would be by staging a mass suicide. That would be hilarious. @ImprovEvery #
  • I'm at Zanies Comedy Club (Nashville, TN) #
  • I never saw this coming, but somehow my beard has gone viral: RT @MattDavis: @ChadsBeard get off of my face! #
  • I'm at Exit/In (Nashville, TN) w/ 3 others #
  • "If we don't end the war on women, the war on women will end us."
    – H.G. Whatshesaid #
  • In 3rd grade, whenever somebody exclaimed "Jesus!" in class #mycrazyteacher would always say, "He isn't here and he isn't coming back." #
  • Ladies and Gentlemen meet my next wife: Maria Louise Del Rosario, the "Butt Hole Tattoo Girl": <3 <3 <3 #
  • If I can get in touch with these people, I will take it. RT @JesseIsTerrific: @ChadRiden Owning this is your destiny: #
Posted in twitter

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-08-18

  • Parents who park their strollers in the middle of busy walkways should have their babies taken away from them forever. #
  • "Everybody needs to quit talking about my Johnson" – Adorable, 10-year-old Chad Riden if he were here today to see Chad Johnson trending. #
  • Something tells me if anyone can take down the FBI it's a Juggalo lawyer representing the Insane Clown Posse but only if he's in full makeup #
  • Rumors from the Gathering say that the Insane Clown Posse's lawsuit against the FBI will include a subpoena of magnets. #
  • Nashville, come to Springwater right fucking now. @LandonOutLoud #
  • Fighting The Powers That Be. #
  • RT @geofftate96: I would like to have a good birthday again. Does anyone know how? // sleep through the whole thing and miss it? #
  • Some nerd just sent me this awesome link – dude wants to build the USS Enterprise for reals: #BuildTheEnterprise #BTE #
  • RT @McDonalds: Fill in the blank: This week I am looking forward to ____. // ..not getting sick because I ate the awful garbage you sell. #
  • "silence your cellphones and keep the talking to a minimum whisper" should be the rule OUTSIDE of comedy clubs, too. Shut it, errbody. #
  • Butt-hole tattoos seem like the perfectly logical next step: RT @ikpanderson @HuffingtonPost Girl with the anal tattoo? #
  • Boots Randolph "Yakety Sax" RT @JessicaNorthey:If you could ONLY listen to ONE artist/band for the rest of your life which one would it be? #
  • RT @TMZ Megadeth's Dave Mustaine Believes Obama 'Staged' Aurora Shooting Massacre || 10-4! Any word on Dave Ellefson's thoughts on the Sikh? #
  • I just got added to the lineup tonight at @ZaniesNashville with @madflavor, but you bought your tickets already, right? #
  • this guy: RT @T_Major1: Poor @floyd_erick didn't get a pic with @madflavor or @ChadRiden #toobad #
  • I'm such a fat fucking clown: RT @T_Major1: @ChadRiden and I at #Zanies #Cashville … dude was amazing! #
  • missed connection: girl at my show last night who remembered making eye contact w/ me while she projectile vomited at a @DougStanhope show. #
  • Dear my missed connection puking girl from Alabama. Please contact me – you are awesome. Lets move to Aruba and start new lives together. #
  • I uploaded a @YouTube video Carlos Mencia promo boo'd at Joey "Coco" Diaz show #
  • MT @dOHboy13: @joerogan @madflavor they announced @carlosmencia coming & the place ERUPTED in boos // I have video: #
  • Anytime I hear talk about Virgin Mary I think, "Let's get off of Jesus' mom.. 'cause He just got off of YOURS" and then I honk a bike horn. #
  • Seal Team 6 or The A-Team or whoever needs to go spring Pussy Riot out and bring them directly to my house. #
  • I will convert to a polygamy brand of Mormonism if all of the Pussy Riot girls will marry me. Free green cards, ladies. Think about it. #
  • If Russians don't rise up and overthrow their government because of this Pussy Riot jail sentance, I just don't understand people at all. #
  • 2-4 pm every day is complete bullshit and should be an international siesta time. #
  • If Russians don't rise up and overthrow their government because of this Pussy Riot jail sentence, I just don't understand people at all. #
  • because although he IS awful, he isn't as BIG of a living joke? RT @SarahPalinLinks: Why Isn't Paul Ryan Getting the Sarah Palin Treatment? #
  • Whycome every guy I've ever seen on a motorcycle looks like Hulk Hogan in a vest? #
Posted in twitter

stand-up video: 16-minute promo – 8/15/2012 at Zanies Nashville

This is 16 minutes long.. but it’s 16 minutes of FUNNY, so whatever.

Chad Riden 8/15/2012 at Zanies Nashville from Chad Riden on Vimeo.

Posted in stand-up, video Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,