- PSA: if your girl is preggers you HAVE TO get her something for Mothers Day, even though she is not YOUR mother & the baby isn't even born. #
- .@JSlowey yeah. Get on it. Extra adorable extra credit: in addition to the gift, get a mothers day card from "the baby". Thank me later. #
- Thanks, @JimJefferies #
- The @Tennessean quoted me about highway fatalities. I said a lot of funny, morbid stuff that they didn't use: http://t.co/CXyBSdXN #
- RT @jmpreston914: Just so you know, I read this while driving…. || of course you did. while steering with your knee and eating a sandwich. #
- Make one out of anti-freeze, yo.. it's friggin delicious. || RT @DJPaulyD: ITS OFFICIAL THRILLED TO ANNOUNCE MY NEW COCKTAIL #REMIX !!!!! #
- .@Anundson stay tuned for my new column in the @Tennessean called, "Get The F#&* Off My Lawn!: Chad Riden Fixes Nashville" (coming never) #
- At @CalliaRiden's talent show dress rehearsal. It's already MF'ing chaos. #
- The sound guy has no sound. Just very loud popping and hissing AND a shitty attitude. Snapping at everyone nearby. http://t.co/pqhGH7TX #
- Hey parents! Would you like to sit and watch rehearsal? You would? Well, F#€£ YOU! http://t.co/YW0BYa0q #
- Sound is working. The theme to America's Got So You Think You Can Idol? is blaring screechingly loud. This is not a competition but ok. #
- The pageant mom who runs this keeps saying we want to get started and move quickly but I'm pretty sure we're just waiting on her to STFU. #
- The librarian chick is the emcee. Last year she felt the need to tell jokes in between each of the acts. We don't know why the show ran long #
- They're starting the show with a toddler saying the pledge of allegiance. This school is K-5, but Pageant Mom put ALL her kids in the show. #
- First act is a couple dozen kids jumping around while a C+C Music Factory rip off cd either skips or sounds terrible by design. #
- Oh, they had the wrong music. We're going to do that whole thing again. The exact same music is playing:"party rock is in the house tonight" #
- The curtain opens for the next act and the parents argue about whether she should hold the mic or leave it in the mic stand. #
- Hot mic. Over modulated music. The mic cord is way too short. It's stretched tight between the board and the stage. #
- These kids in the back of the room are crying and going apeshit. Their parents are nowhere to be seen. http://t.co/N55TbFUL #
- I'm afraid @CalliaRiden and I didn't get the note telling us to "dress like a hooker and use glitter liberally" we'll fix that for the show. #
- In the line-up (and no doubt the program) they've spelled @CalliaRiden "Callia Ridden" because cut-and-paste is a difficult, advanced move. #
- I may sound condescending and mean live tweeting this but with all honesty there is nothing better than rappin' elementary school girls. #
- A kid in a muscle suit is boxing his dads hands while Eye Of The Tiger plays. So far, hands down the best act of the show. #
- Girls in full clown outfits are spraying each other in the face with aerosol cans. That's the whole act. #
- The first band plays! Their instruments are not plugged into anything and this track has no drums on it anyway. http://t.co/7tKd4NXn #
- Callia sang the song she wrote.. "I'm Stronger" – a lovely ballad about steroids. Aaaannnd we're leaving. Fin. #
- The Clever Marketing Gimmick Comedy Tour is coming soon to a city near you! Deets: http://t.co/VJzHxCno #
- Wed at @ZaniesNashville – Geoff Tate (@HolyShitDrunk) headlines the @NSup Showcase! vid: http://t.co/B9VSS0jX $5 tix: http://t.co/sbyPuSmQ #
- video of @CalliaRiden singing her song "I'm Stronger" at her school talent show last night:
http://t.co/gnSF7kvE # - listening to @Ralphie_May's interview on @AriShaffir's podcast.. http://t.co/01AgTq28 :: Ralphie, Dr. Lou A. is Letterman's doctor, too. #
- .@realDonaldTrump @Israel isn't a member of NATO, dummy. Bush designated 'em as major non-NATO allies of the US in '89 http://t.co/edPa4wNt #
- If I EVER hear your phone make ANY noise for ANY reason just know that I want it to explode in your hand and obliterate your entire body. #
- Thank you to everybody who came out to the @NSup Showcase at @ZaniesNashville last night. I appreciate your support.. I love you long time. #
- RT @TheParty420: Are handjobs still a thing? // At my age, they're mostly self-administered. #
- Yes! Bangs make perfectly good women look like 'tarded cabbage patch dolls. Not a fan. || RT @johnthorntonjr: Ladies, enough with the bangs #
- Nashville, TREAT YO SELF and go see @nickThune & Geoff Tate (@holyShitDrunk) at @zaniesNashville this weekend: http://t.co/PAvcg1N1 #
- #DidYouKnow The @BushLibrary contains nothing but coloring books and multiple copies of every edition of Where's Waldo? #FactualInformation #
- awesome! | RT @BushLibrary: Actually, our #archives have more than 44 million pages of official papers and documents, all written in crayon. #
- how awesome is it that this gets a second life thanks to Workaholics? ♫ http://t.co/KN9EFJZ4 #
- FYI, I haven't touched a dime of my Tonight Show money. #
- Hosting a sleepover party for @CalliaRiden. There are nine (9!) 9-year-old girls doing crazy dances and squealing and being nine and stuff. #
Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-05-19
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