Category: columns

crap I wrote, tryin’ to be funny and whatnot

DaveCon 2002

Greetings from New York City! Once a year I meet with the rest of the biggest Letterman fans on the planet to descend upon New York City and the Late Show With David Letterman like a wild pack of ravenous

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The Kids Hate Me

When I moved into my house in August 2000, the neighborhood kids loved me. Over the last few months I’ve noticed a marked change in their behavior: now they seem to hate me. I don’t understand it. I also really

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So Long, Fucko, Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

“Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freeeeeeeedooom! Freedom!” Not unlike Aretha Franklin’s character in The Blues Brothers, I have been set free. About ten months ago, a great plague fell upon my household. It wasn’t locusts, drought or syphilis.. no, no, no. I

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Imagine (No Stupid Bullshit) – Chad Riden Parodies John Lennon’s “Imagine”

CHAD PARODIES “IMAGINE” John Lennon had a vision… and Chad destroyed it. DOWNLOAD THE MP3: Chad_Riden-Imagine_No_Stupid_Bullshit.mp3 4.2 MB; (3:03) Yoko Ono leased billboards in New York City, Tokyo and London saying, “Imagine all the people living life in peace.” Ya

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Martyr Without A Cause

My close friends know me as an activist.. a renegade.. a rebel-rouser.. a man unafraid of the “consequences” of speaking my mind and ruffling a few feathers. I don’t pull punches and I don’t censor myself. I fight for what’s

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Crazy Is As Crazy Does

I may be a cold, heartless bastard.. but I think our society is too nice to insane people. A little too much leniency is given to people just because they’re “crazy.” I’m not talking about wacky eccentrics or goofy morons

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Thinking Outside The Box

I’m sure you’ve heard this phrase tossed around in commercials and promotions for various companies. It seems to be the leading catch phrase of the moment among the mindless sheep running Corporate America. Early returns from my exclusive polls show

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Cameo Mentions and Life Long Missions

I haven’t written a new column in a while.. I’ve been pretty busy volunteering down at the Senior Center, comforting crack babies and learning to tango. I’ve also been doing more and more standup (to everyone’s dismay) and shameless self-promotion.

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What’s in? What’s out?

IN: The Lord of the Rings. OUT: The Lord of the Dance. IN: Overpriced game consoles that will be obsolete in 3 years. OUT: Playthings involving creative thinking and a healthy attention span. IN: Low-cut jeans on hot, young girls.

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Consumas Greetings!

It’s the moosssst nauseating tiiiime of the year. Well, almost.. Valentines Day is hard to beat. The December Holidays are second in the race for most depressing season only because there isn’t heart-shaped crap in your face everywhere you go.

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