Author Archives: chad riden

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-03-03

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  • Tonight! (& 8pm every Sun) SmartyPants NerdCore Comedy Show at Steve's. Free! Tv-clean-ish stand-up + full menu & drink specials @NSup #
  • Totally missed the #oscars I hope & pray SOMEBODY thanked The Academy.. they're always the unsung heroes of the evening. #SameJokeEveryYear #
  • hey @Instagram, nothing is less "fun & quirky" than describing yourself as "fun & quirky." #JustIgnoreThisIHateEverything #
  • Trying to figure out what the appeal of @pinterest is. Splash page says: "Save your Inspirations! Plan a Wedding!" So.. this is for women? #
  • Yes. RT “@rickygervais: Can any Americans tell me what state Boise is in?” #
  • Exactly what I needed. Thank you. RT @GaryIsYou: @ChadRiden Here is a picture of @lizwearstights in a bra just for you. http://t.co/Z0Dh8Zzh #
  • oh, good for them. All our problems are solved, everybody: RT @latimes FDIC: Bank earnings hit five-year high in 2011 http://t.co/xLAbzZF1 #
  • hey @DreamHost what's going on? RT “@JesseIsTerrific: @nsup cool thanks! Also, your site is down.” #
  • Please GOD say it's NOT Firehouse Subs OMG OMG OMG RT @Tennessean: Vehicle reportedly crashes into store in #Hermitage http://t.co/NTsw3Jid #
  • Windows 8 is a fantastic improvement. I always thought I should have to log into Xbox LIVE just to play Solitare. Good thinking, boys. #
  • Windows 8 devs brainstorming: "let's make the Start menu look like you played 52-card pickup with your application icons" #
  • Windows 8 devs brainstorming: "We've been telling users to use the Start Menu since 1995. You know what? Lose the button. Screw you Granny!" #
  • Endless conversation I'll def. have with my mom: "There is no Start menu now. Hover your mouse in the lower right corner." "What?" (repeat) #
  • Thats weird, your mom lets me go all the way! OHHHH! #SawDiceClayTonight || RT @GrantSchinto @ChadRiden I can't even get THAT far w/ MY mom. #
  • Ha ha. Playing DefJam RapStar and the cops just came by the house and asked me to please turn it down. Sorry Hermitage, I gots to get mine. #
  • Very disappointed that "the Blunt amendment" isn't in regards to Swisher Sweets and Phillies. Get a clue, Congress. #
  • Time to shine, AL & GA. Do your best to make us look dumb: @latimes: New round of immigration battles set in the South http://t.co/rTUwx5rF #
  • Tim & Eric's B$M at @Belcourt this weekend, ladies. Who's going? Let's posse up:
    http://t.co/OqG1ksgq @NSup #
  • Saw @GregProops' podcast taping last night at @ZaniesNashville – very FUNNY. Go see him do stand-up this weekend: http://t.co/dHOudfKz #
  • Windows 8 finally has a screen capture to png fxn. Finally, you won't need to open Paint and cut & paste to document all the crashes & bugs. #
  • add glasses, flannel and a hoodie & it's dead on: RT @michelleisawolf: "The Lorax looks a lot like almost every male comedian” #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-02-25

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  • The lineup here at the @MemComedyFest http://t.co/hLt1vRPM #
  • .@GerardMulligan1 I think Jesus' message was: spend our time competing to look the most Christ-y while questioning all others' Jesus-osity. #
  • Another republican comes out of the closet: RT @latimes Gay Arizona lawman denies threatening to deport ex-lover http://t.co/IhXPPtFO #
  • The Mötley Crüe KIA commercial is a new creative low point for KIA. #
  • come see the best of @NashvilleComedy: SmartyPants NerdCore Comedy Show starts 8pm at Steve's at 604 Gallatin Avenue #217 Nashville TN 37206 #
  • It's all about quality, not quantitiy. For example, see my next tweeteroo.. RT “@leslienash: I suck at tweeting every day! #justsoyouknow #
  • All morning long, every time I breathe in my nostril has been clicking. I've tried everything. Don't know how to stop it. Might kill myself. #
  • ladies are just like computers.. I turn 'em on and off by pushing their buttons. #
  • Realizing that I have an extraordinary amount of "fuck you!" in me. #
  • Ash Wednesday edition of Bang, Marry, Kill: God The Father, The Son & The Holy Spirit? #
  • if today was a football game, I'd be punting right about now. #
  • "Don't Say Gay!" Hey everybody look how fucking stupid some Republicans are in Tennessee: MT @pithinthewind http://t.co/d8GmbIxV #
  • If I could teach my dog to puke in the toilet, my life would be perfect. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-02-18

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  • Houston, we have a problem! Ha ha ha I'm so clever. RIP Whitney. #
  • TONIGHT! SmartyPants NerdCore ComedyShow at Steve's: 8pm. Free! Semi-open-mic for comics funnier than they are filthy: https://t.co/vQrK2br7 #
  • Like @MrChuckD said, "who gives a fuck about a god damn Grammy?" http://t.co/vDiyY0OG #
  • Tonight I opened the show with 8 minutes on tipping your wait staff. I don't know if I should be this proud of that and/or telling people. #
  • what kind of people put their office phone on speaker.. turn it up, then repeatedly dial busy numbers and listen to the GD busy signal? #
  • it's the same people who put their office phone on speaker.. turn it up, then navigate automated customer support robo menus for hours. #
  • oddly, also the same people who make EVERY phone call on the speakerphone.. and have their default windows noises chiming LOUD for every IM. #
  • no dude, it's bad. bad thoughts. negative mental images off the charts. I'm red-lining ovaheeea. “@mattconty: @ChadRiden you alright buddy?” #
  • fun show last night at Steve's if I do say so my own gat dern self. I really love everybody who shows up and supports the show. thank you. #
  • Today is a Geto Boys kinda day. All I have in this world is my Balls And My Word. ♫ http://t.co/8Dtp0ZSy #
  • I'm just gonna go out on a ledge here and say ANYONE who uses speakerphone for EVERY phone call is an ass-clown. #
  • While I'm 100% sure that is true, I still disapprove. Frown.// RT @Anundson: I like speaker phone. The more you use it the less people call. #
  • Divorce day! (@ Legislative Plaza) http://t.co/rKxPlOm7 #
  • I am now officially a divorcee. Best Valentine's Day gift, ever. Thanks, sweetie. #
  • keep hoping and dreaming and looking! I believe there's an Ex out there for everyone. // RT @KatrinaLColeman: Jealous! #
  • every time i pack my 8-year-old's lunch, I am tempted to put a can of beer in there. EVERY TIME. @CalliaRiden #
  • no idea who this "Jeremy Lin" is.. so I now play "STUPID SPORTS OR LAME MUSIC?": I guess.. STUPID SPORTS. Do I win? #
  • .@NikkiGlaser say what you will about Chris Brown, but if he can beat the shit out of Rihanna WHILE driving!? ..he's a pretty good driver. #
  • R.I.P. MADman, John Severin http://t.co/MjiEDJay #
  • Friday: KNOXVILLE – ANTI-Valentine’s Day Comedy Booze Cruise :: http://t.co/FZEZwAFg #
  • Saturday: MEMPHIS – @MemComedyFest's 9pm showcase show http://t.co/4Z8HsTzG #
  • Sunday: NASHVILLE – @NSup's SmartyPants NerdCore Comedy Show @ Steve's 8pm :: http://t.co/IiIowrXW #
  • #FF “@RobHaynes: I've spent more time trying to weigh the pros/cons of which sonic screwdriver to buy, than any car I've bought. #10thBTW #
  • .@DannyLimor I'm not sure why "finger boarding" exists but I'm positive that this kid is a virgin: http://t.co/tL9STKV3 #
  • Is "cosign" the "This: The Next Generation"? I say "word up" | RT “@micahwhite: Cosign. RT @daveweigel: @micahwhite "This" is the new "+1."” #
  • "Anyone who talks bad about another comic has a LOT to learn about how this business works." – @DaneCook in @ZaniesNashville green room 2002 #
  • according to @DougStanhope, worrying about that means you're probably NOT. | RT “@southworth: What if I'm "that guy" and I don't know it?” #
  • saying "@DougStanhope has a bit.." is the stand-up equivilent of @SouthPark's "Simpsons did it!" #
  • Way to go, TN. MT “@indecision: TN 2 ban gay subjects in schools. pretty sure in TN, science counts as a gay subject. http://t.co/1AKgs2i3 ” #
  • .@indecision please know that MOST of us in TN know that Stacey Campfield is a moron. He does NOT represent many of us: http://t.co/1gVGeJDu #
  • .@indecision I know. I'm waiting for Stacy Campfield to come out of the closet. That's how this works with the most homophobic republicans. #
  • Micro$0ft is always about 5 years behind Apple: http://t.co/wlrSk0dS vs “@hackernewsbot: Redesigning the Windows Logo. http://t.co/TVgBQUF2” #
  • I'm giving away 2 tickets to the ANTI-Valentine's Day Comedy Booze Cruise in Knoxville tonight. RT to enter to win. http://t.co/FZEZwAFg #
  • I've noticed the parents who have the flashiest rims on their cars are dropping off and picking up the dumbest, trashiest kids in school. #
  • 100% of people who buy Smart Water are Stupid People. #marketing2dummies #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-02-11

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  • if you're watching "boniver" on SNL right now you know everything you need to know about the #FuckMusic movement: http://t.co/XO4lLvMj #
  • #superbowl more like STUPOR Bowl #
  • #superbowl more like Super BORE #
  • It's surprisingly nice to see Madonna pretending to sing. #superbowl #SuperWhore #
  • It's hard to keep up w it all. I'm just going to wait for tomorrow's round-up of the best tweets about the shittiest #SuperBowl commericals. #
  • everybody who had #SuperBowl fever: remember to take ALL of your anti-biotics until they're gone.. don't quit just 'cause you feel better. #
  • If I was on camera at the #SuperBowl I would have flipped you all off, too. @MIAuniverse is one of the most brilliant marketers today. #
  • Does everybody have their tickets for this years "Chad By Chad West Festival"? March 9-18, 2012 – sponsored by the @Chadyterian Church #CXCW #
  • After all these years of haters sayin' there's no reason to practice crushing my balls over and over again while bouncing on a cable.. #
  • Just met Spanish cartographers who've returned from an expedition to large, unexplored regions of @ChadsBeard with never before seen photos. #
  • OH LOOK. Corruption, hypocrisy and doube-standards from the THP & Dickson cops for the director of Alcoholic Bev. Comm: http://t.co/Wbk0rKaD #
  • NONSENSE. I have a twitter account for EACH joke. Look for @CoreyIsntFunny coming soon “@reppocs: You have more twitter accounts than jokes” #
  • Sometimes I get recognized around town as "that weirdo who keeps trying to organize a violent coup of the homeowner's association." #
  • I'm proud to say I have performed on that historic old stage that @TheRyman is replacing. Where will the wood go? : http://t.co/BpC4SKIa #
  • wait, there are rap songs that sample Dave!? // RT “@jamiebradley: I like any rap that samples David Letterman speaking…” #
  • I would like to eat at Dick's someday. I think I'd enjoy being screamed at while getting lousy service from minimum-wage-making failures. #
  • the worst thing about dealing with a delusional moron is that no matter what happens, in their stupid little mind they're always "winning." #
  • stand-up comedy is the profession you seek. || “@IamEnidColeslaw: I want to live in a world where I get paid to eat and masturbate.” #
  • & now here I am explaining my Shamrock Shake shits on social media..“@McDonalds @BuzzFeed: Social Media Explained Through..Shamrock Shakes?" #
  • Hit a tree. “@FoxNews: The latest trend hitting the slopes, “Snowga,” combines the breathing and stretching principles of Yoga with Skiing” #
  • how could "don't bone" be a "dating" tip? c it phrased 10 diff. ways: “@700club: 10 Dating Tips for Christian Singles http://t.co/uS2miTdO” #
  • Succulent Salmonella vs. Blazin' Botulism? || RT “@McDonalds: Today is the big day! Flavor Battle is going down in Miami! #flavorbattle #
  • I wish you had something more interesting to say. || RT “@ParisHilton: 11:11 – Make a Wish….” #
  • because that cop is a dick? “@NC5 @NC5_NickBeres: An innocent doctor says a police officer used xsive force & illegally imprisoned him.Why?” #
  • Just checking before I put too much effort into it: jokes about my penis being over-worked and under-paid would be cute and endearing right? #

ANTI-Valentine’s Day Comedy Booze Cruise 2/17 (Knoxville, TN)

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Feb. 17th – Knoxville, TN: The ANTI-VALENTINE’S DAY Comedy Booze Cruise with ME, whores! Bring your broken hearts and your favorite beer stein we’re gonna burn this molefukka down.

Feb 17, 2012 - ANTI Valentine's Day Booze Cruise

Use promo code “CR” for $10 tickets (no fees).
Get your tickets NOW, this WILL SELL OUT:
http://comedyboozecruise5.eventbrite.com/

For years we have been tortured and forced into gifting by this oppressive Hallmark Holiday. Knoxville’s comedians have decided to do something about it. So for the second year in a row, we are having our FUCK VALENTINE’S DAY COMEDY SHOW! This year, it just so happens to be aboard a Riverboat.

The Knoxville Comedy Booze Cruise is a one of a kind experience. For two hours set sail in the Star of Knoxville Riverboat on the Tennessee River. The boat features two full bars and a live adult comedy show will be the entertainment for the evening. This is the BEST VALUE in Knoxville for a comedy show!

Tennessee Riverboat
300 Neyland Drive
Knoxville, TN 37902

(Facebook event page)

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-02-04

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  • one of the bittersweet aspects of #TG2EB4 is anticipating the "Black Sunday" deals when it's all over. All Cypress Hill vinyl 70% off!? yes. #
  • Thanks to everybody who helped make last night's SmartyPants show at Steve's fun – NO SHOW next week. Some football thing is happening. #
  • listening to Louis Armstrong records DOODLE DOOT DOOT has inspired me BEEDLE BOOP to scat my SCOOTLE DOOT DOO tweeteroos so BOOT DOOT DOO! #
  • my favorite living painter / felt artist is @ShanaKohnstamm -check out her work. I have 3 paintings of hers hanging in my house. Is awesome! #
  • Good! More of this, please. // RT @NashvilleScene: Stacey Campfield Denied Service at Knoxville Restaurant: http://t.co/L0pFgFAX #
  • Eating Thanksgiving 2 leftovers for lunch, I've decided that turkey gravy should be it's own food group and mandatory in all meals. #TG2EB4 #
  • yeay! I'm gonna go take a nap. My work is done for the day. // “@jackiekashian: @ChadRiden you just made Mary Mack laugh!! nice work.” #
  • Here's the video skitch I shot with.. RT @ScottyMcCreery Yall check it out.. I've been blackmailed by my own kin. http://t.co/Z0qRs6Lm in reply to ScottyMcCreery #
  • Thanks! It came from deep within my soul. || RT @itahCM "just wanted to tell you that you were great in the Scotty McCreery blackmail video" #
  • hey @ScottyMcCreery fans, if you like JIMMY DALE you should watch my other stupid videos at http://t.co/1KvRz3dD & this http://t.co/CGRJQuZk #
  • Actor Nick Santino Commits Suicide After Putting Dog To Sleep http://t.co/garj0d4A || I get it.. I felt bad when I had Guido spayed. #
  • yes, sir. I'd shave my face-squirrel for it. || RT @DougStanhope: Wanna suit up as 1%ers and Occupy Burning Man? Seriously. #
  • My favorite blogs are the ones where bloggers blog about blogging. #
  • you guys, @liquid_tv has a ton of classic Liquid Television clips up at http://t.co/kttFvyBH =awesome! notably missing: stick figure theatre #
  • Daily Show fans in Nashville! for 1/2 price John Oliver tickets at Zanies (9:45pm show on 2/3) use promo code "DAILY" owl.li/8N9wb #
  • Happy 30th Anniversary to Mr. Letterman and everybody at @Late_Show – thanks for consistently entertaining me for as long as I can remember. #
  • "if comics can't make jokes about comics, then the terrorists have won." – Dave Letterman, February 1, 2012 @Late_Show #
  • it's not making as many headlines but @RealDonaldTrump also just endorsed deez nuts. #
  • thanks @RaginTwatter Deez nuts have been polling well but I think Trump's support will swing the pendulum their way. Jump on the bandwaggon! #
  • holy crap it's getting serious. @OccupyNashville just threatened to "occupy the restrooms of all Pilot Travel Centers" http://t.co/CQxlNXKl #
  • my beard has officially moved from "adorably unkempt" status to "homeless dude 'occupying' a pilot truck stop men's room." #
  • #FF @sbellelauren "i bet oprah makes the greatest fart noises" #
  • would you still snicker when I say I'm eating brunch if you knew that in my head "brunch" = "bro lunch"? Yes? crap. #
  • [http://t.co/VJzHxCno]: ANTI-Valentine's Day Comedy Booze Cruise 2/17 (Knoxville, TN) http://t.co/2O2u0MKG #
  • I've already loaded @TweetDeck up with hilarious tweeteroos scheduled for tomorrow that say things like, "more like Super BORE" #UnfollowNow #

as “Jimmy Dale” in Scotty McCreery blackmail video

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A sketch video I did with American Idol’s Scotty McCreery to promote his ACM New Artist Of The Year nomination. DONT GET JIMMY DALE RILED UP YALL!

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-01-28

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  • last night @mybrucebruce fist bumped me and then did the double finger point. pretty sure that means I get to be black for a day (ladies). #
  • SmartyPants NerdCore Comedy Show 8pm tonight (every sunday) at Steve's; 604 Gallatin Avenue #217 Nashville, TN 37206 http://t.co/798p4vT2 #
  • My beard is starting to look like a bird's nest. That means it'll be ready to harvest in about a month or two. #
  • you're all invited to "Thanksgivin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo – Episode IV: A New Hope" at my house 7pm Sat, 1/28: http://t.co/q0Glp1N9 #TG2EB4 #
  • will you both shut up? It's too early for this. // RT @CORNspiracy: shouldnt yew be blacked out by now @DruncleSam? #
  • Look, you don't HAVE to come if you're not down. //RT @CecilPorter: you got drunk & insisted we act out Krush Groove "Rocky Horror" style. #
  • EVERY time people have mentioned "The Artist" this morning, just for one second I've thought, "Prince is nominated for a bunch of Oscars?" #
  • It's dumb, but maybe that's why I love the flier for "Thanksgivin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo – Episode IV: A New Hope": http://t.co/Cap42X4z #
  • I’ve invited 200+ people over for dinner. I hope nobody lets me down. #TG2EB4 http://t.co/9CZmOzEO #
  • No excuses! You're dead to me now. Sorry buddy. #TG2EB4 //RT @MichaelBrown: If I wasn't in WI this week, I'd be there! #
  • If someone took ME to #TG2EB4 for MY bd? OMG, guys. Best. Birthday. Ever. bit.ly/zKiqxW // RT @RaginTwatter: Its my wifes Bday that night. #
  • glad to see them focusing on what REALLY matters. //RT @Tennessean: East TN lawmakers propose 'Ten Commandments' bill. http://t.co/pdFwak0F #
  • hey @mmsgreen I've got some M&M product line ideas that'll pioneer awesome new ways for me to get fatter. Who do I talk to? Seriously. #
  • it’s late notice but “planning” is for ass-hats. If you can’t make it we’ll take that to mean you don’t love us #TG2EB4 http://t.co/9CZmOzEO #
  • The #sotu is the only show on tv with more standing ovations than Comic View. #
  • Did John Kerry get into a fight? What is going on with his face? #sotu #
  • so.. you're saying "sex dungeon injuries"? #JohnKerry #sotu // RT @micahwhite Banged up in a pick-up hockey game, allegedly. in reply to micahwhite #
  • Jay Leno's monologue? RT @joerogan imagine if every time you said something lame and uninspired a whole room full of old assholes applauded? in reply to joerogan #
  • Thanksgiving dinner is too awesome to just happen once a year. Therefore: "Thanksgivin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo" #TG2EB4 http://t.co/9CZmOzEO #
  • “Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo – Episode IV: A New Hope” is a very high society event for classy, awesome, smart people only. #TG2EB4 #
  • Listening to Unknown Hinson records. He's single-handedly making me rethink the whole #FUCKmusic movement. I might post a list of exceptions #
  • I'm one of the "& friends" // MT @zaniesnashville: @BillyWayneDavis & Friends: Free tix W, Th, Sun! Call 615.269.0221 http://t.co/mPJtDNm6 #
  • on behalf of bored comedians everywhere.. yes, please. // MT @realDonaldTrump: Ivanka thinks I should run for President. Maybe.. #
  • I'm looking at the analytics & I just don't believe more people aren't talking about #TG2EB4 This thing must be broken. http://t.co/q0Glp1N9 #
  • Judging by how my stomach feels, I think I ate your McBotulism meal. It's not good. // RT @McDonalds: Who had McD's for breakfast? #
  • To the people skerrrt by Facebook timeline: were you posting things on the internet that you are all of a sudden ashamed of? I don't get it. #
  • a PERFECT time to obstruct traffic w slave-animals. //RT @danschlacter: #Circus #beasts will be.. Demonbreun from 12th to 8th at 5 p.m. #
  • good show, fun times last night w/ @BillyWayneDavis @janeBorden @forrest_shaw @SeanParrott @BrianEKiley @DonniePollard and Dan Whitehurst. #
  • Doing @ZaniesNashville again 7:30pm tonight w/ @BillyWayneDavis @Anundson @BrianBatesComic :FREE tickets: 615-269-0221 & mention twitter #
  • if there's one thing i love it's input from ill-informed novices #
  • There's only so much pointless screwin' around I can do before it's nap time again. Time to start prioritizing my time-wasters. #
  • I keep forgetting to carry a flask with me for these terrible, long stretches of day when I'm not in a bar. #
  • I am. We're throwin down another Thanksgiving 2 Jammie Jam sat, you should stop in //RT @whoistccope: whats up boss you in town this weekend #
  • RT @UltimaForever: We agree http://t.co/bzyLLO2N // "Ultima: Most. Important. Game Series. Ever." #
  • a mass murderer who loves to hit da clubz and get krunk like a muhhhhfuh // RT @MTV: Question: Who should be the new #JerseyShore roommate? #
  • If you haven't RSVP'd for "Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo IV: A New Hope" – chances are you've squandered your life. http://t.co/9CZmOzEO #
  • RT @TMZ: If THIS tweet gets 1,000 RTs, we'll never tweet about Kim Kardashian again #
  • #TG2EB4 preparations have begun in the traditional fashion with coffee sweetened with laziness. http://t.co/q0Glp1N9 #
  • On the Chinese new year, @CalliaRiden said, "I like Chinese people. They invented sushi!" me: "that's Japanese." Callia: "whatever." #
  • The turkey is already in the oven. Booze is already flowing. #TG2EB4 : great MFing holiday? or GREATEST MFing holiday? https://t.co/9gXcOCRi #

Thanksgivin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo – Episode IV: A New Hope

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Thanksgivin' 2: Electric Boogaloo - Episode IV: A New HopeThanksgiving dinner is too awesome to just happen once a year.

Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo happens at random times of the year at my house, featuring a full Thanksgiving meal plus classic breakdancing movies: Breakin’, Breakin’ 2, Krush Groove. (I hate sports, so this is what we do instead of watching football or whatever it is normal people do.)

If you are reading this, you are invited. If you don’t know Chad Riden’s Address, ask. If you have kids you can bring them.. I don’t care. Callia will be there and if they get out of line she’ll kick them in the face.

You don’t have to bring anything, unless you want to. Nobody cares. Maybe bring whatever you want to drink? I’ll have MY favorite cheap swill available but it may not be what you like.

We’re calling it “Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo 4: A New Hope” because this is a very high society event for classy, awesome, smart people.

I’ve invited 200+ people over for dinner. I hope nobody lets me down. I know it’s late notice, but “planning” is for ass-hats. If you can’t make it for any reason, we’ll take that to mean you don’t love us.

Saturday, January 28, 2012
7:00pm

Chad Riden’s Address
(if you don’t already know, just ask)

(Facebook event)

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-12-24

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  • Too broke to pay for a car wash? Scrub your entire car with the window washer at the gas station, then drive fast to dry it off. #chadvice #
  • @iamcolinquinn DIE IN A FIRE! (actually, please don't.. I think you're hilarious, but I'm positive this is the only way you'll ever RT me) in reply to iamcolinquinn #
  • Have a broken Thing you can't afford to replace? Go buy an identical Thing. Return your broken Thing, asking for a cash refund. #chadvice #
  • Don't forget to spend a lot of money you don't have to buy a lot of gifts Nobody wants or needs so retailers will have a Merry Christmas! #
  • Make it emulate a phone that doesn't suck ass. // RT @EverythingMS Windows Phone emulator skin switcher.. #
  • very few things make me as happy as I get watching Dave Letterman struggle trying to send a jibberish tweeteroo out on the @Late_Show. #Hash #
  • @micahwhite when he goofs the screen up and asks for help to get his cursor back in the right place I wonder how often that happens off-air. in reply to micahwhite #
  • Get on my mailing list NOW — you don't want to miss the latest edition of my racist street jokes newsletter. #chadvice #
  • I'm going to East TN tomorrow to celebrate Festivus with my family.. then our annual competition to not be the one who Ruins Christmas. #
  • When I die.. if anybody ever puts a sticker on the back of their car to memorialize me, I will haunt you until you take that tacky shit off. #