Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-02-11

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  • if you're watching "boniver" on SNL right now you know everything you need to know about the #FuckMusic movement: http://t.co/XO4lLvMj #
  • #superbowl more like STUPOR Bowl #
  • #superbowl more like Super BORE #
  • It's surprisingly nice to see Madonna pretending to sing. #superbowl #SuperWhore #
  • It's hard to keep up w it all. I'm just going to wait for tomorrow's round-up of the best tweets about the shittiest #SuperBowl commericals. #
  • everybody who had #SuperBowl fever: remember to take ALL of your anti-biotics until they're gone.. don't quit just 'cause you feel better. #
  • If I was on camera at the #SuperBowl I would have flipped you all off, too. @MIAuniverse is one of the most brilliant marketers today. #
  • Does everybody have their tickets for this years "Chad By Chad West Festival"? March 9-18, 2012 – sponsored by the @Chadyterian Church #CXCW #
  • After all these years of haters sayin' there's no reason to practice crushing my balls over and over again while bouncing on a cable.. #
  • Just met Spanish cartographers who've returned from an expedition to large, unexplored regions of @ChadsBeard with never before seen photos. #
  • OH LOOK. Corruption, hypocrisy and doube-standards from the THP & Dickson cops for the director of Alcoholic Bev. Comm: http://t.co/Wbk0rKaD #
  • NONSENSE. I have a twitter account for EACH joke. Look for @CoreyIsntFunny coming soon “@reppocs: You have more twitter accounts than jokes” #
  • Sometimes I get recognized around town as "that weirdo who keeps trying to organize a violent coup of the homeowner's association." #
  • I'm proud to say I have performed on that historic old stage that @TheRyman is replacing. Where will the wood go? : http://t.co/BpC4SKIa #
  • wait, there are rap songs that sample Dave!? // RT “@jamiebradley: I like any rap that samples David Letterman speaking…” #
  • I would like to eat at Dick's someday. I think I'd enjoy being screamed at while getting lousy service from minimum-wage-making failures. #
  • the worst thing about dealing with a delusional moron is that no matter what happens, in their stupid little mind they're always "winning." #
  • stand-up comedy is the profession you seek. || “@IamEnidColeslaw: I want to live in a world where I get paid to eat and masturbate.” #
  • & now here I am explaining my Shamrock Shake shits on social media..“@McDonalds @BuzzFeed: Social Media Explained Through..Shamrock Shakes?" #
  • Hit a tree. “@FoxNews: The latest trend hitting the slopes, “Snowga,” combines the breathing and stretching principles of Yoga with Skiing” #
  • how could "don't bone" be a "dating" tip? c it phrased 10 diff. ways: “@700club: 10 Dating Tips for Christian Singles http://t.co/uS2miTdO” #
  • Succulent Salmonella vs. Blazin' Botulism? || RT “@McDonalds: Today is the big day! Flavor Battle is going down in Miami! #flavorbattle #
  • I wish you had something more interesting to say. || RT “@ParisHilton: 11:11 – Make a Wish….” #
  • because that cop is a dick? “@NC5 @NC5_NickBeres: An innocent doctor says a police officer used xsive force & illegally imprisoned him.Why?” #
  • Just checking before I put too much effort into it: jokes about my penis being over-worked and under-paid would be cute and endearing right? #

ANTI-Valentine’s Day Comedy Booze Cruise 2/17 (Knoxville, TN)

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Feb. 17th – Knoxville, TN: The ANTI-VALENTINE’S DAY Comedy Booze Cruise with ME, whores! Bring your broken hearts and your favorite beer stein we’re gonna burn this molefukka down.

Feb 17, 2012 - ANTI Valentine's Day Booze Cruise

Use promo code “CR” for $10 tickets (no fees).
Get your tickets NOW, this WILL SELL OUT:
http://comedyboozecruise5.eventbrite.com/

For years we have been tortured and forced into gifting by this oppressive Hallmark Holiday. Knoxville’s comedians have decided to do something about it. So for the second year in a row, we are having our FUCK VALENTINE’S DAY COMEDY SHOW! This year, it just so happens to be aboard a Riverboat.

The Knoxville Comedy Booze Cruise is a one of a kind experience. For two hours set sail in the Star of Knoxville Riverboat on the Tennessee River. The boat features two full bars and a live adult comedy show will be the entertainment for the evening. This is the BEST VALUE in Knoxville for a comedy show!

Tennessee Riverboat
300 Neyland Drive
Knoxville, TN 37902

(Facebook event page)

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-02-04

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  • one of the bittersweet aspects of #TG2EB4 is anticipating the "Black Sunday" deals when it's all over. All Cypress Hill vinyl 70% off!? yes. #
  • Thanks to everybody who helped make last night's SmartyPants show at Steve's fun – NO SHOW next week. Some football thing is happening. #
  • listening to Louis Armstrong records DOODLE DOOT DOOT has inspired me BEEDLE BOOP to scat my SCOOTLE DOOT DOO tweeteroos so BOOT DOOT DOO! #
  • my favorite living painter / felt artist is @ShanaKohnstamm -check out her work. I have 3 paintings of hers hanging in my house. Is awesome! #
  • Good! More of this, please. // RT @NashvilleScene: Stacey Campfield Denied Service at Knoxville Restaurant: http://t.co/L0pFgFAX #
  • Eating Thanksgiving 2 leftovers for lunch, I've decided that turkey gravy should be it's own food group and mandatory in all meals. #TG2EB4 #
  • yeay! I'm gonna go take a nap. My work is done for the day. // “@jackiekashian: @ChadRiden you just made Mary Mack laugh!! nice work.” #
  • Here's the video skitch I shot with.. RT @ScottyMcCreery Yall check it out.. I've been blackmailed by my own kin. http://t.co/Z0qRs6Lm in reply to ScottyMcCreery #
  • Thanks! It came from deep within my soul. || RT @itahCM "just wanted to tell you that you were great in the Scotty McCreery blackmail video" #
  • hey @ScottyMcCreery fans, if you like JIMMY DALE you should watch my other stupid videos at http://t.co/1KvRz3dD & this http://t.co/CGRJQuZk #
  • Actor Nick Santino Commits Suicide After Putting Dog To Sleep http://t.co/garj0d4A || I get it.. I felt bad when I had Guido spayed. #
  • yes, sir. I'd shave my face-squirrel for it. || RT @DougStanhope: Wanna suit up as 1%ers and Occupy Burning Man? Seriously. #
  • My favorite blogs are the ones where bloggers blog about blogging. #
  • you guys, @liquid_tv has a ton of classic Liquid Television clips up at http://t.co/kttFvyBH =awesome! notably missing: stick figure theatre #
  • Daily Show fans in Nashville! for 1/2 price John Oliver tickets at Zanies (9:45pm show on 2/3) use promo code "DAILY" owl.li/8N9wb #
  • Happy 30th Anniversary to Mr. Letterman and everybody at @Late_Show – thanks for consistently entertaining me for as long as I can remember. #
  • "if comics can't make jokes about comics, then the terrorists have won." – Dave Letterman, February 1, 2012 @Late_Show #
  • it's not making as many headlines but @RealDonaldTrump also just endorsed deez nuts. #
  • thanks @RaginTwatter Deez nuts have been polling well but I think Trump's support will swing the pendulum their way. Jump on the bandwaggon! #
  • holy crap it's getting serious. @OccupyNashville just threatened to "occupy the restrooms of all Pilot Travel Centers" http://t.co/CQxlNXKl #
  • my beard has officially moved from "adorably unkempt" status to "homeless dude 'occupying' a pilot truck stop men's room." #
  • #FF @sbellelauren "i bet oprah makes the greatest fart noises" #
  • would you still snicker when I say I'm eating brunch if you knew that in my head "brunch" = "bro lunch"? Yes? crap. #
  • [http://t.co/VJzHxCno]: ANTI-Valentine's Day Comedy Booze Cruise 2/17 (Knoxville, TN) http://t.co/2O2u0MKG #
  • I've already loaded @TweetDeck up with hilarious tweeteroos scheduled for tomorrow that say things like, "more like Super BORE" #UnfollowNow #

as “Jimmy Dale” in Scotty McCreery blackmail video

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A sketch video I did with American Idol’s Scotty McCreery to promote his ACM New Artist Of The Year nomination. DONT GET JIMMY DALE RILED UP YALL!

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-01-28

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  • last night @mybrucebruce fist bumped me and then did the double finger point. pretty sure that means I get to be black for a day (ladies). #
  • SmartyPants NerdCore Comedy Show 8pm tonight (every sunday) at Steve's; 604 Gallatin Avenue #217 Nashville, TN 37206 http://t.co/798p4vT2 #
  • My beard is starting to look like a bird's nest. That means it'll be ready to harvest in about a month or two. #
  • you're all invited to "Thanksgivin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo – Episode IV: A New Hope" at my house 7pm Sat, 1/28: http://t.co/q0Glp1N9 #TG2EB4 #
  • will you both shut up? It's too early for this. // RT @CORNspiracy: shouldnt yew be blacked out by now @DruncleSam? #
  • Look, you don't HAVE to come if you're not down. //RT @CecilPorter: you got drunk & insisted we act out Krush Groove "Rocky Horror" style. #
  • EVERY time people have mentioned "The Artist" this morning, just for one second I've thought, "Prince is nominated for a bunch of Oscars?" #
  • It's dumb, but maybe that's why I love the flier for "Thanksgivin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo – Episode IV: A New Hope": http://t.co/Cap42X4z #
  • I’ve invited 200+ people over for dinner. I hope nobody lets me down. #TG2EB4 http://t.co/9CZmOzEO #
  • No excuses! You're dead to me now. Sorry buddy. #TG2EB4 //RT @MichaelBrown: If I wasn't in WI this week, I'd be there! #
  • If someone took ME to #TG2EB4 for MY bd? OMG, guys. Best. Birthday. Ever. bit.ly/zKiqxW // RT @RaginTwatter: Its my wifes Bday that night. #
  • glad to see them focusing on what REALLY matters. //RT @Tennessean: East TN lawmakers propose 'Ten Commandments' bill. http://t.co/pdFwak0F #
  • hey @mmsgreen I've got some M&M product line ideas that'll pioneer awesome new ways for me to get fatter. Who do I talk to? Seriously. #
  • it’s late notice but “planning” is for ass-hats. If you can’t make it we’ll take that to mean you don’t love us #TG2EB4 http://t.co/9CZmOzEO #
  • The #sotu is the only show on tv with more standing ovations than Comic View. #
  • Did John Kerry get into a fight? What is going on with his face? #sotu #
  • so.. you're saying "sex dungeon injuries"? #JohnKerry #sotu // RT @micahwhite Banged up in a pick-up hockey game, allegedly. in reply to micahwhite #
  • Jay Leno's monologue? RT @joerogan imagine if every time you said something lame and uninspired a whole room full of old assholes applauded? in reply to joerogan #
  • Thanksgiving dinner is too awesome to just happen once a year. Therefore: "Thanksgivin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo" #TG2EB4 http://t.co/9CZmOzEO #
  • “Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo – Episode IV: A New Hope” is a very high society event for classy, awesome, smart people only. #TG2EB4 #
  • Listening to Unknown Hinson records. He's single-handedly making me rethink the whole #FUCKmusic movement. I might post a list of exceptions #
  • I'm one of the "& friends" // MT @zaniesnashville: @BillyWayneDavis & Friends: Free tix W, Th, Sun! Call 615.269.0221 http://t.co/mPJtDNm6 #
  • on behalf of bored comedians everywhere.. yes, please. // MT @realDonaldTrump: Ivanka thinks I should run for President. Maybe.. #
  • I'm looking at the analytics & I just don't believe more people aren't talking about #TG2EB4 This thing must be broken. http://t.co/q0Glp1N9 #
  • Judging by how my stomach feels, I think I ate your McBotulism meal. It's not good. // RT @McDonalds: Who had McD's for breakfast? #
  • To the people skerrrt by Facebook timeline: were you posting things on the internet that you are all of a sudden ashamed of? I don't get it. #
  • a PERFECT time to obstruct traffic w slave-animals. //RT @danschlacter: #Circus #beasts will be.. Demonbreun from 12th to 8th at 5 p.m. #
  • good show, fun times last night w/ @BillyWayneDavis @janeBorden @forrest_shaw @SeanParrott @BrianEKiley @DonniePollard and Dan Whitehurst. #
  • Doing @ZaniesNashville again 7:30pm tonight w/ @BillyWayneDavis @Anundson @BrianBatesComic :FREE tickets: 615-269-0221 & mention twitter #
  • if there's one thing i love it's input from ill-informed novices #
  • There's only so much pointless screwin' around I can do before it's nap time again. Time to start prioritizing my time-wasters. #
  • I keep forgetting to carry a flask with me for these terrible, long stretches of day when I'm not in a bar. #
  • I am. We're throwin down another Thanksgiving 2 Jammie Jam sat, you should stop in //RT @whoistccope: whats up boss you in town this weekend #
  • RT @UltimaForever: We agree http://t.co/bzyLLO2N // "Ultima: Most. Important. Game Series. Ever." #
  • a mass murderer who loves to hit da clubz and get krunk like a muhhhhfuh // RT @MTV: Question: Who should be the new #JerseyShore roommate? #
  • If you haven't RSVP'd for "Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo IV: A New Hope" – chances are you've squandered your life. http://t.co/9CZmOzEO #
  • RT @TMZ: If THIS tweet gets 1,000 RTs, we'll never tweet about Kim Kardashian again #
  • #TG2EB4 preparations have begun in the traditional fashion with coffee sweetened with laziness. http://t.co/q0Glp1N9 #
  • On the Chinese new year, @CalliaRiden said, "I like Chinese people. They invented sushi!" me: "that's Japanese." Callia: "whatever." #
  • The turkey is already in the oven. Booze is already flowing. #TG2EB4 : great MFing holiday? or GREATEST MFing holiday? https://t.co/9gXcOCRi #

Thanksgivin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo – Episode IV: A New Hope

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Thanksgivin' 2: Electric Boogaloo - Episode IV: A New HopeThanksgiving dinner is too awesome to just happen once a year.

Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo happens at random times of the year at my house, featuring a full Thanksgiving meal plus classic breakdancing movies: Breakin’, Breakin’ 2, Krush Groove. (I hate sports, so this is what we do instead of watching football or whatever it is normal people do.)

If you are reading this, you are invited. If you don’t know Chad Riden’s Address, ask. If you have kids you can bring them.. I don’t care. Callia will be there and if they get out of line she’ll kick them in the face.

You don’t have to bring anything, unless you want to. Nobody cares. Maybe bring whatever you want to drink? I’ll have MY favorite cheap swill available but it may not be what you like.

We’re calling it “Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo 4: A New Hope” because this is a very high society event for classy, awesome, smart people.

I’ve invited 200+ people over for dinner. I hope nobody lets me down. I know it’s late notice, but “planning” is for ass-hats. If you can’t make it for any reason, we’ll take that to mean you don’t love us.

Saturday, January 28, 2012
7:00pm

Chad Riden’s Address
(if you don’t already know, just ask)

(Facebook event)

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-01-21

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  • thanks to everybody who came out to @nsup's SmartyPants show tonight! I had fun. Tee-bow! T-bone! Teen-boner! T-boat! Tea-beaux! in reply to nsup #
  • "I had a dream, I had an awesome dream. People in the park playing games in the dark. And what they played was a masquerade." -MLK Richie Jr #
  • Saying you want flying cars is like saying you want a flying horseless carriage. We've already got airplanes. You want a spaceship, dipshit. #
  • "G at last! G at last! Thank Megatheos Almighty, I'm a G at last." – A Very Drunk Chad Riden around 4:15 a.m. this morning #
  • The worst thing about Huntsman giving up his race for the GOP nomination was googling him to learn enough about him to make a joke about it. #
  • Paula Deen suggests you saute your Novo Nordisk in a stick of buter, bread it with twinkie crumbs, roll it in lard, then deep fry it. #
  • @Vosij I'll call you this evening in reply to Vosij #
  • The #BlackoutSOPA protest would appear to have more support if we said we were keeping our stupid websites ONline & unchanged in defiance. #
  • what's the over/under on when TN State Sen. Richard Floyd comes out of the closet? // RT @radleybalko http://t.co/Mf0EfshK #
  • Just to be difficult, today I'm trying to stop #StopSOPA So far, so good. Anyone care to counter protest my counter protest of the protest? #
  • I've got a pretty good feeling my no-budget internet protest will be equally as effective at influencing the gov't as hollywood's lobbyists. #
  • Even if the entire internet was turned off for the day for #StopSOPA Congress would still be all, "wha?" #ElectMoreNerds #
  • @i0n1c nope, that's them: http://t.co/11xAQ0it :: suck it, @MPAA! You're terrible. in reply to i0n1c #
  • I clicked on the thing, I emailed the people, I reposted the stuff, I put a banner up on my website and yet here we are. What now, nerds? #
  • Back in MY DAY Marky Mark just danced shirtless in puddles and punched things in front of broken mirrors on Mtv. Now he's acting ridiculous. #
  • This is the time of the day when my ass REALLY starts dragging (NOTE: this could be posted at any time and still be accurate). #
  • is this what you want Dave? http://t.co/95OIAKkw //RT @Late_Show:"Tie on a sack of potatoes!" #
  • if hastily half-ass photoshopped crap is a sign of genius, then you are correct. // RT @gargreguan: @ChadRiden You sir, are a genius. Bravo! #
  • @Ralphie_May thank you for always being honest and open with good advice. I appreciate it. in reply to Ralphie_May #
  • Stupid mustaches are the Members Only jackets of 2012. #
  • Everybody who works at the 5spot looks like @seanparrott in costume as @thedeaddead #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-01-14

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  • I dunno what's going to happen. Apocalypse? Plague? Marathon @DefJamRecords RapStar session that "can't stop. won't stop."? I. DON'T. KNOW. #
  • SmartyPants NerdCore Stand-Up Comedy Show 8pm EVERY SUN @ Steve’s; 604 Gallatin Avenue 37206 http://t.co/JHOXBDBS @NSup #
  • I'm thinking about starting "The Chad Riden Rebuttal" a podcast where I just respond to and refute what was said about me in other podcasts. #
  • well, guilty as charged. he made my cold, black little heart smile. // RT @MichaelBrown @MarcMaron on @WTFPod called you "a dark guy" in reply to MichaelBrown #
  • just shot a funny video with @ScottyMcCreery – If my blackmail demands aren't met soon it'll be online next week. #
  • I'm playing Zelda. What game are you guys talking about? #
  • @JesseIsTerrific the answer lies within your heart.. and this walkthru: http://t.co/yBxAqGwe in reply to JesseIsTerrific #
  • @Vosij @RabidScotsman I want to play Skyrim so bad.. but I'd either have to buy a new computer or a ps3. Leaning toward the ps3 I guess. in reply to Vosij #
  • @JesseIsTerrific I usually cut 'em down the the beetle thing. I can rarely get it to stab without flailing randomly like a loon. in reply to JesseIsTerrific #
  • My newest book of tweets collects all the times I posted a picture and description of my lunch. NYT best seller list, here I come (again)! #
  • NEWSFLASH: A Confused Newt Gingrich Launches New Ad Campaign Attacking Himself; Angered Newt Gingrich Lashes Back Calling Ads Unacceptable #
  • I'm only 4 sips into this martini and I'm fairly confident that I've made all the right decisions in life bc they've led to rt here, rt now. #
  • see you there, suckas //RT @nsup: TONIGHT! @RealMickFoley at @ZaniesNashville w "the comedy equivilent of a body-slam" @BillyWayneDavis #
  • YES. #FuckMusic //RT @emilyvolman: I've finally reached the "too old" part of that whole "if it's too loud…" thing. #
  • too bad instagram doesn't have a filter to make your photos interesting. #
  • #FF @Anundson: "Walked into my bank with a drum machine strapped to my chest and threatened to beat everyone up. #Dre #808" #
  • @MetroSchools where's the photos from your 'snow patrol' today, wussies? in reply to MetroSchools #
  • .@MetroSchools You're fooling nobody! We all know this is just an excuse to have a 4-day weekend. You're all drunk right now, aren't you? #
  • "Google Certified" SEO experts are easily some of the most unbearable people you could ever talk to or be around. I'll certify THAT myself. #
  • I have an announcement to make: I'm retiring forever from retiring forever. Thank you for your support over all these years, it's just time. #
  • Guys, I couldn't stay away- I'm back out of retirement from retiring forever. I'll be retiring forever again soon at a comedy club near you. #
  • The People have spoken: // RT @Wampa43 @ChadRiden Retire? You? Never! #
  • Everything I do? I do it for YOU. And other people. But mostly YOU. // RT @ShanaKohnstamm @ChadRiden You tease. #
  • @ShanaKohnstamm #JewishDisappointment Does that mean I disappoint Jews? or that I'm disappointed that I'm not Jewish? I DO have Jewish Envy in reply to ShanaKohnstamm #
  • .@ShanaKohnstamm have you guys ever thought of telling your old people to SHUT IT? Disrespecting your elders is a core @Chadyterian belief. #
  • @ckcomedy is your nose jacked up again? in reply to ckcomedy #
  • It is absolutely wonderful that so many Christians have accepted and now worship Tim Tebow as their new Lord and Savior. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2012-01-07

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  • @Ashley_Corby nope. It'll be back every week starting jan. 8th. in reply to Ashley_Corby #
  • Irish Spring Intensify Body Wash – for when you want to smell like a medicated pine tree all day. Chase the leprechaun! #sponsored #
  • that was my creative outlet in the late 80's //RT @PaulinaGC What if TPing houses was considered artwork & sculptures were vandalism? #
  • a lot of trannies must've misunderstood this: RT @FamousWomen be a 1st-rate ver. of yrself [not] a 2nd rate ver.of smbdy else. -Judy Garland #
  • #FollowMeMTV @MTV @MTVNews I can fix you and make you cool again. Not for the audience you probably want but for 36 yr old douches like me. #
  • #FollowMeMTV @MTV @MTVNews you may also be interested in joining the growing #FuckMusic movement on the Facebooks: http://t.co/NHpS742W #
  • It's all about buzz.. We've DOUBLED our likes in the last few days! #FuckMusic //RT @micahwhite growing from 1 likes to 2 likes? hahaha. #
  • a candid shot of @CalliaRiden drafting a treaty between The Pirates and The Robots. I hope and pray this truce lasts. http://t.co/4PcyLm21 #
  • If you ever actually use Siri saying, "read me that text" like the guy in the ad, you can just go right ahead and go fuck yourself. #
  • I totally believe them! //RT @eatsustainable @McDonalds @TacoBell & @BurgerKing will stop using "pink slime" in their meat: ow.ly/8gWgS #
  • ..but the ammonium hydroxide is what makes @McDonalds @TacoBell & @BurgerKing so TASTY! Say it ain't so! ow.ly/8gWgS #
  • ammonium hydroxide! ow.ly/8gWgS I'd also like a side order of diabetes. // RT @BurgerKing What do you like to dip your Chicken Tenders in? #
  • .@jimmyfallon My mom used to always say, "I LOVE you.. but I don't LIKE you." Now I get great pleasure out of saying that to her #momquotes #
  • so many people in Nashville have NO sense of humor about music.. having so many sacred cows means you're surrounded by bullshit. #FuckMusic #
  • .@sbellelauren if you're living your life right corn dogs are a perfectly acceptable breakfast, but I prefer bagel dogs http://t.co/jgxpCgwd #
  • @itflewintheair The Ryman was originally a church.. I think pews were designed to be uncomfortable in order to keep people awake / alert. in reply to itflewintheair #
  • There are so many reasons to avoid Gregg Allman's shows.. getting stabbed in the face is not even very high on the list http://t.co/Jf6dIPkZ #
  • The McDiabetes Shake //RT @McDonalds: What’s your fav McD beverage that’s topped with whipped cream? We love McCafe Hot Chocolate! #
  • .@lesleyrebecca don't let their elderly exteriors fool you, the Ryman's senior security staffers will whoop any whippersnappers who need it. #
  • I'd rather he make shiz clothes than shiz music //RT @MTV: Can we just talk about all this @KanyeWest @Twitter shiz? http://t.co/9mU48oHF #
  • Exactly. Welcome to the #FuckMusic family. http://t.co/NHpS742W //RT @micahwhite: I could get behind #fuckshizmusic #
  • giblets // RT @MattBesser: May I have a one word suggestion please? #
  • WTF, FBI? Who are you threatening these days? @DalaiLama? // RT @pourmecoffee: anon. threatening letter FBI sent MLK. http://t.co/3NYDmRRG #
  • @nashvillegeeks //RT @nsup: SmartyPants NerdCore Stand-Up Comedy Show 8pm EVERY SUN @ Steve’s http://t.co/JHOXBDBS #
  • ..use it to take pictures of more savvy people using their Macs & iPhones //RT @Windows: Have fun w/ your camera & Windows 7 #
  • ..by pretending I don't live in a world where stupidity is glorified //RT @DJPaulyD: In Honor Of #Jerzday How Is Everybody Celebrating ??!! #
  • MIO "water enhancer" ain't yo daddy's water, pussy! MIO punches your stupid daddy in his stupid mouth! #ExtremeWater #sponsored #
  • @Late_Show where do I apply? Sorry, Tony. // RT @Late_Show "@#HashTag. JOB OPENING! Late night talk show cue card boy." in reply to Late_Show #
  • We've all got our own music in our phones. Nobody wants to hear your bullshit. Turn it off now. Turn it off forever! #FuckMusic #
  • When you say, "Rick Santorum wants to ban all pornography" I hear, "Rick Santorum is over compensating because he is addicted to porn." #
  • MiO liquid water enhancer – kool aid for adults who are still children! #ExtremeWater #sponsored #
  • MiO liquid water enhancer – spice up your boring water with chemicals, artifical flavors & food coloring! #ExtremeWater #sponsored #
  • #FF @carlos_valencia "My grandma wanted an old-timey rocker for Cmas, so I got her David Lee Roth. She returned him.. cause he was broke." #
  • #FF @RySing "i think i accidentally got glitter in my booty snatch. i now have festiv-ass #XmasAssJokes quot; #
  • #FF Dave's on-air tweets on @Late_Show "@#Hash Tag. Hi boys. Barney Frank+giant tits=big laughs. Tune in tonight." #
  • #FF @brianbatescomic "Happy 2012 to my friends on Eastern and Central time and happy 1989 to my one friend who's still on Hammer time." #
  • @seanparrott what sort of things are you trying to round up a posse to go do Mr.Parrott? a heist? Some sort of Ocean's 15 mission? Pinochle? in reply to seanparrott #
  • @seanparrott Lady Terminator at midnight at @belcourt? 'cause that sounds awesometastic. Anybody who doesn't want to see that is no friend. in reply to seanparrott #
  • @seanparrott (sad face thing) in reply to seanparrott #
  • #FF @patdixon "If you have to say "zing!" it was not worth saying. Trust me on this one." #
  • underpaid employees' broken dreams? // RT @BurgerKing: pop quiz! What special item sits on top of our BK TOPPERS™ Western BBQ Cheeseburger? #
  • @seanparrott he's saying go do the things you like and make new friends with similar interests there. also, BOOM. in reply to seanparrott #
  • @danschlacter you should blog "how to be a normal person" tips for social retards like myself. in reply to danschlacter #
  • I'm publishing a book of tweets, but just the ones where I live tweet some horseshit on tv nobody cared about 5 minutes after it aired. #
  • My second book of tweets will be out-of-context attention-hungry replies to celebrities I've never met and girls who'll never do me. #
  • my 3rd book of tweets: a collection of tweets from hashtag games where I changed one word in a movie title to something stupid #
  • my 4th book of tweets will be a touching collection of all of my "Hey look! People LIKE ME!" re-tweets of #FF mentions of me #
  • my 5th book of tweets will be a very special one printing all of the times when I re-tweeted someone's call to action but simply added, "no" #
  • my 6th book of tweets will be a collection of all the times I tweeted "why is #TrendingTopic trending!? WTF" #
  • just reach out and feel around until you touch someone that seems friendly. new friend! //RT @seanparrott How do I make friends in the dark? in reply to seanparrott #
  • Got a haircut and beard trim. Wii Fit says I'm 10 pounds lighter all of a sudden. Donating the hair to the Make A Shitty Wish Foundation. #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-12-31

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  • Just discovered that @MariaBamfoo is my spirit animal. #
  • In her dad's voice.. whose products I endorse: http://t.co/iaudXzxc //RT @jclangdell What voice does your spirit animal speak to you in? in reply to jclangdell #
  • It's a play on words but don't outsource intelligence. //RT @wired Anonymous [jacked] Stratfor.. main intelligence sources for.. US military in reply to wired #
  • Due to my holiday schedule, tonights tweeteroos will be "previously enjoyed" tweeteroos from this last season (read: reruns). #
  • "If you love reading internet recaps of hit tv shows as much as I do, you’ll love my new project: video re-enactments of internet recaps." #
  • "For a DJ name, I’d go with 'Chad Riden' so as to avoid any confusion. Same thing if I was a wrestler or a black comedian." #RidenClassic #
  • ..actually, if I was a black comedian I would probably insist on being called "Milk$hakez" but ONLY if I was really fat. #
  • "I’m already finalizing my plans to completely ignore next year’s #superbowl continuing my time-honored tradition of having zero interest." #
  • "you can’t teach idiots how to not be idiotic." #RidenClassic #
  • "I find that most stick figure cartoon families on the back windows of minivans and SUVs I see should be much, much fatter." #RidenClassic #
  • by keeping my library books until they're way overdue and then paying late fines, I'm supporting the public library. #INactiveism #
  • I dress like McGruff the crime dog pretty much every day all winter long. Take a bite out of crime.. it's delicious! http://t.co/yz2AkpCA #
  • I'm starting to think Congress really shouldn't be in charge of ANYTHING. Maybe it's time to eliminate them and move to a direct democracy. #
  • I'm not up on my wrasslin' -is it something prayers of Hulkamaniacs can't fix? //RT @superpixels That didn't work out so well for the WWE. #
  • Nope. #FUCKmusic // RT @woot Our.. poll today is suggesting most/all 2000's music has been pure crap. Is there really NOTHING you like?! #
  • .@DougStanhope tell ppl to join me in making ANTI-Newt calls using his phone-from-home platform: http://t.co/3lDiDALx #iacaucus #trolling #
  • prank phone calls are fun and easy with Google Voice: https://t.co/nHhmyRSw #chadvice #
  • .@TomGreenLive tell ppl to join me in making ANTI-Newt calls using his phone-from-home platform: http://t.co/3lDiDALx #iacaucus #trolling #
  • @riley_fox look: // RT @g4tv Hey music fans! Rush's 20-minute opus, 2112, is coming to Rock Band Network! Details: http://t.co/rFM1AqJX in reply to g4tv #
  • Due to my intense holiday schedule, tonights tweeteroos will be reheated leftover tweeteroos from this last season (read: reruns). #
  • "I love how aluminum siding gives your expensive house that shitty trailer park look and feel." #RidenClassic #
  • "You’ve got the right to believe whatever you want, but *I* believe all religions are equally ridiculous." #RidenClassic #
  • @NicDressel you're probably right, but I was thinking about Coke Classic or the Caprice Classic. Shitty things that were not classic. in reply to NicDressel #
  • This financial advice is basically "be more like Chad Riden" // RT @Ralphie_May Dont leave.. become a squatter in your own home @Yekimi50 in reply to Ralphie_May #
  • @NicDressel It's just another generic Chevrolet at this point. They might as well rename them all the Chevrolet Whatever. in reply to NicDressel #
  • @realjeffreyross Nashville checking in, sir. in reply to realjeffreyross #
  • ha! RT @NicDressel #Chevro let-down in reply to NicDressel #
  • "The more often someone says “you know what I’m sayin” the less likely I am to know or care what they are saying." #RidenClassic #
  • I'm fresh out. Axe @KatrinaLColeman for a spare. // RT @Anundson Can I borrow a baby? I am on my way to the "Target nurse in" # boobmilk #
  • SLINKY. It's time those liars are taken down a few pegs. #SinkSlinky //RT @superpixels what company should I be pissed at today? #
  • Despite being anti-SOPA, today I'm transferring about a hundred domains TO @GoDaddy just to be contrarian. #SOPA #NOPA #
  • Take me to school, professor. What do I need to learn? // RT @dragon_flaming that's not being contrarian, that's being uneducated #
  • @dragon_flaming I've read all about it.. I'm against #SOPA Educate yourself on the definition of "contrarian" and also "trollbait", moron. in reply to dragon_flaming #
  • Music is the worst. It's overrated and unavoidable. Turn it off or wear headphones & keep it to yourself. #FuckMusic http://t.co/NHpS742W #
  • hey @mattconty what's the shitty small town near here that everybody shits on? what street has the crack whores? where do the mexicans live? #
  • @mattconty it comes naturally after years and years of working the ChuckleHut comedy runs. Hey you guys are fun! Mind if I play a few songs? in reply to mattconty #
  • @aprilmacie I can't sing or dance. If I could put out a sex tape or fuck an old man and be a star, by god I'd have all ready done that shit. in reply to aprilmacie #
  • I'm going to drop in and do a short set at @jazzandjokes tonight. Haven't been there in a while. Doors at 8, show at 9! @NSup #
  • RT @shanecomedy: From now on, lets only RT super lame ideas! #
  • The Chadyterian Church also skipped Michael Bloomberg's annual interfaith breakfast Friday, but it was over a disagreement about beef jerky. #
  • Look, EVERY parent hog ties their infants with duct tape and hangs them upside down. It's called GOOD PARENTING. You just don't take photos. #
  • Grown adults actively choosing to eat mystery meat astounds me. //RT @BuzzFeed Will the McRib return for a limited time? #2012questions #
  • (Triumph voice) FOR ME TO POOP ON! //RT @realDonaldTrump: I'm sending @BarackObama an autographed copy of #TimeToGetTough He could use it. #
  • thanks @grahamgilson! in 2012, I promise to hold monster truck rallies ON my expensive yacht where everyone rides lawnmowers at all times. #
  • If corporations are people, tax them like people: nytimes.com/2011/12/30/bus… #
  • shingles, bankruptcy, divorce, happy #2011in4words #
  • @MichaelBrown the tweeters says I already follow you, Mr. Potty Mouth. You don't need to hash tag blue, kid, you got the goods. in reply to MichaelBrown #
  • @lesleyrebecca yup! I like to think of it as "rebooting the Chad Riden franchise with an all new cast and storyline." #diditin2011 in reply to lesleyrebecca #
  • @lesleyrebecca I still keep it positive about her. In almost every situation, if there's trouble.. the problem is me. in reply to lesleyrebecca #
  • @EricStangel so state troopers can watch for any criminal activity on the field during the game while they secure sweet spots in the endzone in reply to EricStangel #